Re: becoming the man only a fool would leave. I was already working on self improvement. I've been steadily getting into better shape. I've been listening to podcasts on my interests; uplifting and enlightening stuff. I'm pretty sure my wife has BPD traits, so oddly enough, the better man I became, the more she needed to bring me down. She did it by not giving me what I wanted, no compliments, and in one instance trying to ruin an evening where I was a "top dog". She couldn't stand it.
So honestly, I feel like I already am that man. I was doing my improvements before BD. This winter (before BD) I became a firm believer in just working on myself to improve things.
As for GAL, I've been going out more. It would be a lot more fun if I could get the friends I really enjoy to go out with, but I'm working with what I have. I've been going to classes about raising gifted kids, got the kids to Sunday School every week at a very inconvenient time. Signed up to teach. But the thing that has really helped the most is just making progress on the fitness front. I have been able to get rid of a few more pounds, raised my plank time from 2:55 to 4:15, leg raises from 24-32, pull ups from 27-31, and push ups consistently over 70 instead of 67, etc. etc. Now I'm hyped for football.
I could improve upon my drive at work, (maybe not a good idea before a D), and just being more empathetic.
M: 41 W: 41 Married 2003 2 boys 9 & 6 Bomb Dropped May 2017