Yeh Rose you're probably right. But from the LBS perspective, all of these types of messages truly $uck because they end up giving weird signals. When I got something like this from my W I would have the following thoughts:
1. Why is she being nice? 2. Why is she messaging me about stuff like this when she asked for a separation? 3. Is she trying to temp check me? 4. If I am so great, why the hell doesn't she want to be with me?
keep adding to that list.
I know they all don't make sense, but it adds to the already emotional turmoil the LBS is in.
I don't personally understand the confusion so I will try to explain the best I can pal.
What you need to realise is that you serve 2 separate roles...
You are a spouse/husband AND you are a father.
2 Separate roles..
You are thinking as a spouse, when your partner is talking to you as a father.
You cant view one coming from the other role.
As a spouse she doesn't want you currently. As a father she will always need you. Hence the conflicting messages/feelings.
She is talking to you as a father. Not a partner. Its all business at the moment.
If you take 'father talk' and try to imagine it as a desperate spouse wanting to fix things you will spin and spin.
Hope that makes sense.
I am sure M will agree with me on this...
Logically, it makes perfect sense. However, the issue is separating the logic of the situation from the emotion of the situation.
Emotionally, I would rather not hear about how great of a dad I am, because it reminds that is all I am. The Dad. Not the partner, spouse, lover, husband. I am the single dad struggling to find a new identity. I am the discarded relationship, the trashed romance.
So to me, while it is intended to be a compliment, it is a reminder of failure. At that point I would rather hear nothing at all.
In addition, it also makes it very difficult to 'forget' about her, when I can't seem to go a day without some sort of contact from her.
Things ARE getting better. I find myself not thinking about her nearly as much. I mostly stop wondering what she is up to, who she is doing, whatever. I am slowly coming into focus on my own life.
Forgetting is trying to ignore or pushing feelings to one side. True healing is living through them. Because it hurts or feels uncomfortable doesn't mean its bad. Those feelings will subside - that is where the growth is.
