JMSTL thread-Part 5-What a beautiful GAL

[Jmstl]

Yeh Rose you're probably right. But from the LBS perspective, all of these types of messages truly $uck because they end up giving weird signals. When I got something like this from my W I would have the following thoughts:

1. Why is she being nice?
2. Why is she messaging me about stuff like this when she asked for a separation?
3. Is she trying to temp check me?
4. If I am so great, why the hell doesn't she want to be with me?

keep adding to that list.

I know they all don't make sense, but it adds to the already emotional turmoil the LBS is in.

I don't personally understand the confusion so I will try to explain the best I can pal.

What you need to realise is that you serve 2 separate roles...

You are a spouse/husband AND you are a father.

2 Separate roles..

You are thinking as a spouse, when your partner is talking to you as a father.

You cant view one coming from the other role.

As a spouse she doesn't want you currently. As a father she will always need you. Hence the conflicting messages/feelings.

She is talking to you as a father. Not a partner. Its all business at the moment.

If you take 'father talk' and try to imagine it as a desperate spouse wanting to fix things you will spin and spin.

Hope that makes sense.

I am sure M will agree with me on this...

Logically, it makes perfect sense. However, the issue is separating the logic of the situation from the emotion of the situation.

Emotionally, I would rather not hear about how great of a dad I am, because it reminds that is all I am. The Dad. Not the partner, spouse, lover, husband. I am the single dad struggling to find a new identity. I am the discarded relationship, the trashed romance.

So to me, while it is intended to be a compliment, it is a reminder of failure. At that point I would rather hear nothing at all.

In addition, it also makes it very difficult to 'forget' about her, when I can't seem to go a day without some sort of contact from her.

Things ARE getting better. I find myself not thinking about her nearly as much. I mostly stop wondering what she is up to, who she is doing, whatever. I am slowly coming into focus on my own life.