Help needed from Far-east.

[anative]

Hello everyone.

My story is similar to the forum from "won't stop" that I read earlier.
We've been marriage for 15 yrs and has 14 yrs old daughter. My wife had a conversation with me that she needed space and wanted to keep herself open for the new relationship since last February. She said that I wasn't take a good care for her enough, we have nothing in common, she can't feel love anymore etc. I didn't pay a lot of attention that time. However, I kinda ignore her a little bit so she can get the idea of living without me. After that, she started to put password on her phone, kept her phone with her all the time, and was on the phone a lot than before. Our relationship was pretty much the same we leave in the same house except that she wanted to keep the distance and she needed her privacy.

On April, she went to Korea to get her face treatment with her girlfriends for 3 weeks. However, she decided to stay a week longer than her friends by herself.

After she came back she was acting kind of weird. She said that I don't have to be too nice too her because that was not me. She also told me that she have met someone but he live far away. I don't have to worry about him now. I didn't believe her at first because we live and work together. After my guessing and a lot of argument, she confessed that she has been talking and texting to him since February. He is our old friend that I didn't contact for long time. They've been together at Korea for a week. Even I knew, she was still texting and talking to him everyday.

It has been a lot of begging, crying, and please give me another chance since then. I am pretty sure I have done all the classic mistakes.

On July, my daughter had to go to summer camp at California and stayed with my wife on weekends for a month which we planned before this thing happened. If I didn't let her go, cancel the camp thing which we already paid, it will be suspicious for everyone. So I can do nothing about it. Unfortunately for me, the camp didn't let the camper leave for weekend so my wife had a whole month with him(He live is USA.)

The whole month of pain, I spent everyday reading and watching every advice on the internet including DR book.

When I picked her up at the airport, I went with my happy and welcome face. Anyway, she was still texting and talking to him. Almost a month past by, my wife told me that this guy feel a bit insecure because he think, I am the one being with her all the time. He wanted time to think about himself too. He wanted my wife to stop contact him until he's ready. So, my wife stopped contact and stopped replying his text. We started to talk about our relationship again. Everything seem to get better.

Less than a week, Hell! he showed up in my town and called my wife that he needed to talk. As my wife wasn't totally over him yet. She asked me that she need to go see him, she has to. So, she went half day with him and she came back and said that she wanted to give him another chance. 2 days later she went to stay with him at the hotel somewhere for 2 night, then again 2 days ago and will be again next weeks. Then he will go back the end of this month(September).

You all might think "Why I let her?"

Because she said if I didn't she will tell my daughter and end our marriage right now. I don't want my daughter to know. Not now. Because, I'm pretty sure that my wife won't build a new family with him. She just want him to fill her emptiness. They have no future together. Because my wife won't go there and he can't live here anytime soon. Now I have to let her walk in and out from me until he leave and hope she will change her mind before he come back again next time.

Right now, we sleep in the same room, hugging, kissing like a happy couple but no sex as she said she feel can't. However, she will text him anytime she want. I act pretty calm about it because it was her choice.

I read and learned some of the basis to handle this kind of situation. However, I am still a lot of help from you all. I won't give up. But how should I be around her.

1) Act like I have moved on, keep distance, and no physically contact(hug&kiss).
or
2) Get a life but also be close to her if she needs me and go with the flow.

Best Regards,