Current situation – Been detaching much better, come to the point where I finally understand what’s going to happen is going to happen irrelevant of what I do. Doing better at 180’s with me on occasions being away from home overnight, something unheard of unless we were all together doing it.
Last night WW came to see the boys as usual but this time earlier than normal, I was still busy making dinner for the boys and I so was not prepared to disappear as I would normally do. I remained in the kitchen whilst WW and the boys spent time together in the sitting room, I made the best of it and shut the doors so that they could carry on as if I wasn’t there.
Eventually WW came to me and asked about a future date where I again was staying away overnight and where there was a need for us to change the arrangements with the boys, me being me have a spreadsheet of all the days where WW and I have agreed custody with a printout stuck to one of the cupboard doors in the kitchen. WW referenced this and discussed the 4-nights she’s having away with AP/LO and that she “really doesn’t want to go” due to being away from the boys for so long. The talk then moved onto the following week which I’ve booked leave so that I can be with the boys on their mid-term break.
Again the last two days I have decided to GAL and do this overnight which sparked her interest in what I was doing and who with! “Is she nice?” “Will the boys like her?” These are the questions I faced, I basically said “I have nothing to tell you” but could see this is on her mind.
Once she knew she was going to get no information from me the conversation turned towards the predictable D talk, I again mentioned that I could not and would not stop her from filing but would not do this myself. I can’t remember how but I recall a comment she said AFTER this conversation where she said “I can’t go back to the MR after what I’ve done to you” I remained calm and confident and just evaded the comment knowing she was temperature checking me.
I know I shouldn’t but after she left I asked S10 about the situation at home and whether AP/LO was always there, he mentioned that he was there a lot but not all the time. I find this strange as the FM is open house to him and her to carry on their A but this is not forthcoming.
What I’ve come to realise through this is that even if we end up D there will still be these episodes to contend with as we’ll always have some sort of R due to the boys. I also realise that RC cannot be at all possible due to the circumstances of the A, basically a co-worker who she sees every day, her jobs is what she’s dreamed of and would never give it up so contact with him is guaranteed but at least this is aiding in me realising that my future lies elsewhere and makes acceptance of the fact all the more easier.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
