I just read through almost all of your story and Im certainly sorry for the position that you find yourself in. It's definitely not an easy or fun time, for sure.
That said, theres a few thoughts I had while reading through everything.
I think you are giving entirely too much of your mental energy and brain space to W right now. You seem to be analyzing every word, action, body language, interaction, etc to search for a possible 'clue' as to where she stands. Pretty much every post is focused on what shes doing or thinking or how you feel about her. I think you would be much better served focusing on yourself and your own self-confidence. I really enjoyed your wedding story until I reas that you left in the middle even though you and everyone you were interacting with was having a great time. I dont know you, but instead of looking for ways to knock W down in your mind, you should really be looking for ways to bring yourself up.
[color:#000099][/color]I am analyzing what she does, but it is more through the lens of her having BPD traits, and more about her actions of the past. I only became aware of her BPD traits after BD and I find it fascinating. I'm not really looking at her for signs about the MLC because I know this takes a very long time, and frankly there haven't been any positive signs.
The wedding story did have a sad ending. I just can't have a couple drinks without it making me sluggish and down. I rarely drink. I need get full-blown drunk or I am going to end up sluggish and no fun in two hours. I was there from 5:00 to 10:30 and had a 45 min. drive home.
I'll get to the rest later. I also want to see if I have this colored response figured out
M: 41 W: 41 Married 2003 2 boys 9 & 6 Bomb Dropped May 2017
