Oh man. Well first of all, sorry you find yourself here!
Second, wow you've been all over the place and switching directions constantly. Just settle down, this is a MARATHON not a sprint. It's going to take a long, long time to resolve this. You're talking at least many months if not a year or more. It didn't happen overnight even though it seems like it to you. And it's not going to be fixed overnight either.
Third, you shouldn't have moved out. She wants to break up the M and have a fling, SHE should move out. That house is your kids' home, it is their safe place in this time of turmoil. Why should YOU be inconvenienced by finding a (probably much smaller) place to live and why should YOU deal with having to take your kids to a strange place that is NOT home? Answer- you shouldn't. If at all possible move back home. Your W should be the one "inconvenienced" by her desire to leave the M. I'm not saying kick her out, legally you can't. But don't leave the house. I've read too many sitches here where the LBS leaves the house and the WAS promptly moves OM in. Picture that, on top of everything else she's got an OM living in YOUR house with YOUR kids.
Please read DR, it's your roadmap. Also get a DB coach if you can afford it, they are awesome. Quit pursuing her, quit talking about D, remove all pressure. Read Sandi's rules several times a day and follow them as best you can:
