To be honest, I think there is a little conflict on the detaching piece. So I have a misunderstanding of when I should interact with my wife. When reading the detachment information, it says don't initiate conversations.
Then reading Sandi2 thread, it says, wife is not looking for love. So how do we loving detach and show that we care. If our S are to believe they are losing us, aren't they to believe that our love is fleeing as well?
I'm struggling with this as well. Especially when there's an OM. I'm going to only support her emotionally if it is bloody obvious she's feeling down because I don't want to misinterpret situations. Technically do it the same way as you would do to your neighbor, not in the same level as if she'd be your spouse.
I don't think validation is that common in our culture anyways but I can see how it could make things better.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
