Just one big one. Blew my calorie count for the day out of the water, but it's kind of a one off, so I didn't worry too much about it.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Hey, did you know about this page? I could not be happier with our decision to choose <D's school> Thank you for being such an awesome dad.
I was having such a good morning too, and this flood of emotion comes back.
Yeah, I know objectively I am a good dad. But I feel like Jesus. I am such a great dad, but apparently not good enough human being to be your husband? I almost feel like she does this stuff on purpose.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Yeah, these messages $uck. You will be able to see these messages in the future and it won't affect you - I promise; I been there. I know it feels like torture and why they do it, but it's a non-actionable message - so read and let it slide off.
Yeah, these messages $uck. You will be able to see these messages in the future and it won't affect you - I promise; I been there. I know it feels like torture and why they do it, but it's a non-actionable message - so read and let it slide off.
Right, I wanted to respond and just say thank you, or you are such an awesome mom too, but I opted to just not even respond.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Literally typed the message and get get this email from Adobe
Get over your ex. Photoshop can help.
I think some being is trying to tell me something
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Hey, did you know about this page? I could not be happier with our decision to choose <D's school> Thank you for being such an awesome dad.
I was having such a good morning too, and this flood of emotion comes back.
Yeah, I know objectively I am a good dad. But I feel like Jesus. I am such a great dad, but apparently not good enough human being to be your husband? I almost feel like she does this stuff on purpose.
Well, she probably does do it on purpose, but not in the way you think.
Honestly, I'm shocked by the spin you are putting on this, but I see other posters agreeing with you, so it's clear you are not alone.
To me, this seems a nice, friendly gesture to show appreciation for your work as her child's other parent. She's saying thank you. It seems like a suggestion that might come from a book on how to be a good parent when divorced or separated. I don't think she is trying to hurt you.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Yeh Rose you're probably right. But from the LBS perspective, all of these types of messages truly $uck because they end up giving weird signals. When I got something like this from my W I would have the following thoughts:
1. Why is she being nice? 2. Why is she messaging me about stuff like this when she asked for a separation? 3. Is she trying to temp check me? 4. If I am so great, why the hell doesn't she want to be with me?
keep adding to that list.
I know they all don't make sense, but it adds to the already emotional turmoil the LBS is in.
Yeh Rose you're probably right. But from the LBS perspective, all of these types of messages truly $uck because they end up giving weird signals. When I got something like this from my W I would have the following thoughts:
1. Why is she being nice? 2. Why is she messaging me about stuff like this when she asked for a separation? 3. Is she trying to temp check me? 4. If I am so great, why the hell doesn't she want to be with me?
keep adding to that list.
I know they all don't make sense, but it adds to the already emotional turmoil the LBS is in.
I don't personally understand the confusion so I will try to explain the best I can pal.
What you need to realise is that you serve 2 separate roles...
You are a spouse/husband AND you are a father.
2 Separate roles..
You are thinking as a spouse, when your partner is talking to you as a father.
You cant view one coming from the other role.
As a spouse she doesn't want you currently. As a father she will always need you. Hence the conflicting messages/feelings.
She is talking to you as a father. Not a partner. Its all business at the moment.
If you take 'father talk' and try to imagine it as a desperate spouse wanting to fix things you will spin and spin.
Yeh Rose you're probably right. But from the LBS perspective, all of these types of messages truly $uck because they end up giving weird signals. When I got something like this from my W I would have the following thoughts:
1. Why is she being nice? 2. Why is she messaging me about stuff like this when she asked for a separation? 3. Is she trying to temp check me? 4. If I am so great, why the hell doesn't she want to be with me?
keep adding to that list.
I know they all don't make sense, but it adds to the already emotional turmoil the LBS is in.
I don't personally understand the confusion so I will try to explain the best I can pal.
What you need to realise is that you serve 2 separate roles...
You are a spouse/husband AND you are a father.
2 Separate roles..
You are thinking as a spouse, when your partner is talking to you as a father.
You cant view one coming from the other role.
As a spouse she doesn't want you currently. As a father she will always need you. Hence the conflicting messages/feelings.
She is talking to you as a father. Not a partner. Its all business at the moment.
If you take 'father talk' and try to imagine it as a desperate spouse wanting to fix things you will spin and spin.
Hope that makes sense.
I am sure M will agree with me on this...
Logically, it makes perfect sense. However, the issue is separating the logic of the situation from the emotion of the situation.
Emotionally, I would rather not hear about how great of a dad I am, because it reminds that is all I am. The Dad. Not the partner, spouse, lover, husband. I am the single dad struggling to find a new identity. I am the discarded relationship, the trashed romance.
So to me, while it is intended to be a compliment, it is a reminder of failure. At that point I would rather hear nothing at all.
In addition, it also makes it very difficult to 'forget' about her, when I can't seem to go a day without some sort of contact from her.
Things ARE getting better. I find myself not thinking about her nearly as much. I mostly stop wondering what she is up to, who she is doing, whatever. I am slowly coming into focus on my own life.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Yeh Rose you're probably right. But from the LBS perspective, all of these types of messages truly $uck because they end up giving weird signals. When I got something like this from my W I would have the following thoughts:
1. Why is she being nice? 2. Why is she messaging me about stuff like this when she asked for a separation? 3. Is she trying to temp check me? 4. If I am so great, why the hell doesn't she want to be with me?
keep adding to that list.
I know they all don't make sense, but it adds to the already emotional turmoil the LBS is in.
I don't personally understand the confusion so I will try to explain the best I can pal.
What you need to realise is that you serve 2 separate roles...
You are a spouse/husband AND you are a father.
2 Separate roles..
You are thinking as a spouse, when your partner is talking to you as a father.
You cant view one coming from the other role.
As a spouse she doesn't want you currently. As a father she will always need you. Hence the conflicting messages/feelings.
She is talking to you as a father. Not a partner. Its all business at the moment.
If you take 'father talk' and try to imagine it as a desperate spouse wanting to fix things you will spin and spin.
Hope that makes sense.
I am sure M will agree with me on this...
Logically, it makes perfect sense. However, the issue is separating the logic of the situation from the emotion of the situation.
Emotionally, I would rather not hear about how great of a dad I am, because it reminds that is all I am. The Dad. Not the partner, spouse, lover, husband. I am the single dad struggling to find a new identity. I am the discarded relationship, the trashed romance.
So to me, while it is intended to be a compliment, it is a reminder of failure. At that point I would rather hear nothing at all.
In addition, it also makes it very difficult to 'forget' about her, when I can't seem to go a day without some sort of contact from her.
Things ARE getting better. I find myself not thinking about her nearly as much. I mostly stop wondering what she is up to, who she is doing, whatever. I am slowly coming into focus on my own life.
Forgetting is trying to ignore or pushing feelings to one side. True healing is living through them. Because it hurts or feels uncomfortable doesn't mean its bad. Those feelings will subside - that is where the growth is.
