It took me a while to understand this. I now don't pay much attention to her mood. Up until this past week I would ask what's was wrong. Before then I would ask why you are acting like that towards me. But now I have just stop asking.
Oh wow. OK well I'm going to dissect this to try and help you understand how you can improve your communications:
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I now don't pay much attention to her mood
Ignoring her mood is probably "more of the same" behavior for you, I imagine there was a lot of emotional neglect in the M like in most of our sitches.
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Up until this past week I would ask what's was wrong.
Asking her (or anyone) "what's wrong" is not how you open up with communications. More often than not that makes the other person shut down, because you are implying that there is something wrong with them and their feelings. A better approach is to say something like "you don't seem like your normal self today, how are you feeling?" Most of the time when loved ones are sullen it's because they WANT to tell us something. So we have to pave the way for them to tell us without them feeling like we're going to judge them for it. LISTEN and VALIDATE should be the mantra of every LBS.
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Before then I would ask why you are acting like that towards me.
Well I'm glad you stopped that because that is a terrible thing to say to someone. She's feeling down and you make it all about yourself. Her moods are hers, they are not "right" or "wrong" they are just her moods. You should seek to understand them and acknowledge them. That is validation, and that will make her feel more connected to you, make her feel you understand her and care about her.
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But now I have just stop asking.
This "I'm going to ignore my W until she starts loving me again" approach never, ever works. It seems like I'm reading more of this here on the forum lately, I'm not sure where it's coming from but it is NOT DB'ing. The word "LOVINGLY" should always be used in front of "DETACH". That means you give her time and space, but when it's appropriate you offer her emotional support too. It doesn't mean you share your feelings with her, but it does mean encouraging her to share hers with you.
