Trying to do the right thing...

[roist]

I heard recently that when dealing with an angry person the best thing to do is not to join them on the theater stage. That analogy works on so many levels.

Don't argue with W. Don't defend your actions and don't make any big decisions. Tell her you will get back to her after reflection.

Maybe she wants to reconcile but doesn't believe it to be possible.Maybe it is horse shhit. At this stage she does not seem to be in a place where reconciliation is possible. Don't close the door to reconciliation but don't stand there holding it open either.

I personally would not pull the kids out of school on demand of someone imposing an unscheduled visit and making accusations.The OM is not the issue but until completely out of the picture, reconciliation cannot possibly happen. Don't insist that she breaks up with him (controlling) but state you won't be in a R with anyone who is involved with someone else (boundary).

Best of luck with the visit. I imagine it will be more about what she can get from you than anything else, but by being calm and strong you can influence the possibility of something more later.

Best wishes