Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 10

[PsySara]

Well I'm done, I've called some divorce lawyers and will be scheduling consults. We got in a big fight when I awoke from a nightmare and I woke him up. Previously he told me to wake him and we could talk about whatever. Well this proved wrong. First he went to the bathroom for at least 10 minutes then moped around the kitchen. Then he sat down and I started out by telling him I am so angry, I am angry that he swore he never cheated with his hand on the Qu'ran. He interrupted and said, "I know, I know, I've heard this a dozen times." At that point I exploded, I told him it was amazing that here we are 2 years later and he has not changed one bit from the guy who cheated on me. No empathy or remorse, just irritation and defensiveness. At that point he stonewalled me like usual so I basically went off and poured out my venom.

Since then we haven't talked. Today he came home late with no explanation while I fed the kids dinner and started their baths. I look around and he left again without letting me know. Then he came back 40 mins later and while I was cleaning the toy room. When I came out the baby was missing and I almost crapped myself. He decided to take him out to talk to the neighbors without letting me know.

I.
AM.
DONE.

I am done with this passive aggressive BS, I am done with his stonewalling and then retracting from the family leaving me to do all the adulting. I am done with his criticisms of my clothes, hair, weight (I weigh 115 pounds BTW and 5'1, meanwhile he is at least 20 lbs overweight) my smiles lines aka wrinkles, and my anger. I am done with his immaturity, his sulks, his stone walls, his inability to hold any conversation of any depth for more than 30 seconds. I am done.

I gain nothing from him being here but suffer greatly. My IC told me she couldn't even do EMDR therapy on me because I was basically getting re-traumatized repeatedly by living in the house with a remorseless "offender." So his presence continues to do damage to me and he doesn't give one d@mn. So I failed at DBing my friends, I cannot endure the marathon anymore. I am fatigued and demoralized. I choose divorce. I already called and left VMs with some of the top rated attorneys in the city and will be scheduling consults. I just need him away from me. I need him to go live somewhere else and let me heal, because my healing and ability to detach is almost impossible with a remorseless a-hole living in my home. I'm sorry my friends.