I just read through almost all of your story and Im certainly sorry for the position that you find yourself in. It's definitely not an easy or fun time, for sure.
That said, theres a few thoughts I had while reading through everything.
I think you are giving entirely too much of your mental energy and brain space to W right now. You seem to be analyzing every word, action, body language, interaction, etc to search for a possible 'clue' as to where she stands. Pretty much every post is focused on what shes doing or thinking or how you feel about her. I think you would be much better served focusing on yourself and your own self-confidence. I really enjoyed your wedding story until I reas that you left in the middle even though you and everyone you were interacting with was having a great time. I dont know you, but instead of looking for ways to knock W down in your mind, you should really be looking for ways to bring yourself up.
Someone posted to you a while back that you should be happy regardless of your W's mood. I dont agree. That isnt detachment. To me, detachment is taking control of your own emotional well being regardless of W's mood. Its OK to be sad. Its OK to be angry. FEEL whatever it is that youre feeling. As far as DB goes, right now, you shouldnt show those emotions to W as it relates to her; dont show her the emotional impact of her actions. I think you should really focus on your own emotional health.
As for when you are interacting with W, I think you need to work on your self-control. There are a lot of posts I read where you felt W misinterpreted you and so you defended yourself; when someone here called you out, your immediate reply was to again defend yourself and say it was a bad joke or something. I think AS said something similar, but Id knock it off with the jokes and sarcastic comments. Treat your interactions with W like a colleague you are being friendly with. You can make jokes, but you wouldnt want to say anything even approaching a line where they might be offended. Basically, stick to the facts, but in an upbeat kind of manner.
Lastly, you refer to DBing a lot, but Im not sure Ive seen any actual divorce busting as I understand the process from the books. Your story feels....rudderless as I read it. I cant tell exactly what your goals are, so it's difficult to really give good, concrete advice. The first step in DR is to start with a beginner's mind. The next step is to start setting goals. Do you have some? As I read, I found a lot of things you set out for W to do, but I dont see a list of what you want to accomplish. Not only as it relates to your R, but to overall become the person only a fool would leave. What does that man look like? What are you going to do to become HIM?Saving your marriage may or may not happen, but I can guarantee that you will succeed if you actually go through all of the steps.
I know this is a long post, and I can feel that it was probably more critical than I intended. I just want to give you some food for thought about how to make this process work for you. You say you may not have it in you to see iot through - start with a Beginners Mind and actually step through the process. It isnt quick, but it can definitely be rewarding.
