It's been a couple of weeks since my last post and since then, I've not had any contact with H (8/30 to be exact). I've had my first coaching session and that is where I was told it seems H is going through a MLC, but is there really a difference b/t WAS & MLC? It seems H fits some of the MLC criteria - EA, childhood to adult issues with father, loss of mother, anger and lots of it to name a few.
I guess what I'm wondering is that in the stages of a MLC, it seems like aging is a big part of this. I can't say for certain my H wasn't thinking about this, I don't know. He certainly never said how unhappy he was w/ me, so it is a possibility. What differentiates the two and how you deal with them, does it matter?
My other question is the stages and where H is at. I know some may think I'm trying figure out how much longer I have left of this hell. I promise that's not the case being only 2 months in. I'm really just trying to understand what may have been the starting point. My MIL passed away in '09 and I don't believe H ever truly dealt with that. H has always had a contentious R w/ my FIL & when MIL was dying, FIL emotionally ran. H was very angry at him for that and continued to act out until he finally sought IC for a brief time. Could it be the diagnosis of FIL's dementia in January? Throughout 2016, H chalked up FIL's behavior to him not caring about H or family in general, as was the case throughout his life. He even stopped communicating w/ FIL for 3-4 months. Could this have slowly been brewing since '09?
Back to where things stand today. I know H filed on 7/31 (10 days after leaving the house), but I have yet to be served. I don't think this is a good sign, in that he's waffling. He didn't go to a L to file, just a paralegal, where I think he also paid for a process server. I don't believe he realizes I've never formally been served since our communication is minimal. Who knows? We are coming up on the 2nd time our mortgage being due (Fri) since he left and so far he hasn't paid it. I will pay if I have to, but can only do that another month or two, which will also deplete my savings. I am not for the D, so I will do nothing to move things along. Should he not pay the mortgage, I feel like my hand will be forced. One other side note, the last time we spoke/texted, didn't go well. It was the day he for the most part confirmed OW. He was upset to see workers I had hired at the house and called to "discuss". We ended up angry texting and finally me pulling back, apologizing and validating. Since that point, I have blocked him from my cell. He can still call work phone or email, if he really needs to get a hold of me. Him not paying mortgage could be retaliation... if he's even bothered to reach out. I also believe him posting a pic of him and OW later that evening on social media (page is open) was also retaliation. He has since deleted pic, possibly because his family had seen it (mine did). I don't know if blocking his calls was a good idea or not for him, but for me it was. Right now, it's self-preservation and I just can't deal w/ texts only asking about divorce settlement. There is nothing else. Nothing even about the house or my son (his stepson). He wants nothing to do with me and is trying to erase me and anything to do with me from his life. It's hurtful, so it was the easiest way for me to get some space.
M:43 H:44 M:10 T:14 S:26 BD:7/21/17 H files for D:7/31/17 (haven't been served) PA:8/30/17
