went to DivorceCare last night. It's restarted for a new group, and yet many of my "classmates" from last spring are retaking it. Two people at least, are taking it for a 3rd time. (It's almost free, btw). And my group had continued to meet over the summer at a restaurant nearby.
There, we meet people who are or are going to be divorced or navigating something new with their ex, or kids, etc.
And you meet people for whom the wound is fresh and raw, a few were like patients who have a sucking chest wound. You just want to hug them and tell them they WILL get through this.
One young woman came who has 2 small kids, & she could barely speak. Her h is leaving this Saturday, just taking his clothes. She's taking the kids to a party while he packs and leaves. They'll return home to a missing daddy and she gets to handle any fallout, I guess.
Anyway, telling them I'm 11 months into this and thought I'd be done or "all better" led me to realize that I need to be a lot easier on myself. There is no one grading me, no bar exam to "pass". Progress is real, it's happening. I can prod myself but have to realize that being gentle with myself is not the same as staying stuck.
D28 is here from LA and d20 arrives Friday. Other than massive paperwork (which I'm not sure how to organize, to be honest), my place looks good. I'm proud of it and showing D28 around the urban area makes me feel like "hello, this is home for me now, and it's pretty cool."
Plus they can see that indeed, you can move from a very large house into a condo but there's always room in mom's house.
That is where I am at the moment.
As for h, and his phone call - I think I'll call my L's Monday and suggest we narrow down what is in dispute (which has been the same area for a few months now).
It's mostly about Spousal support and I'm just not sure if h thought we could use my brother to work this out. I'm one of 4 L's in my family and on that bro USED to do divorce law but not in CA.
Oh and btw, that bro is doing trial work for Securities fraud, whic is not all that related to divorce. Like, at all.
(except for the fraud part !)
To speculate for JUST a minute, I can see h believing my brother should "just do us a favor" of enormous time and care, without saying much more than a brief "thanks a lot."
And not even admit it's a huge favor...h never liked feeling in debt to anyone but that did not stop his expectations. It's just that he would not feel in debt, anyhow...
entitlement is a hallmark I never pinpointed till recently. I knew h would wait till the last minute for a favor so that the person would feel great pressure, but didn't see it as the entitled thing it is.
Okay, negative spiral over, who knows what's in h's mind?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
!) 
