Lost on how to save my marriage! 2

[Rose888]

I saw you request that I pop in and comment on your sitch.

I want to make it clear that I am not an expert on situations in which there is an OM, so I'm not going to advise on how to handle that part.

Here are the things that jumped out at me:

1. You are super impatient. I can sympathize, but if you want to give your marriage the best chance of making it, you have to learn to give things time.

2. You seem very focused on what individual actions "mean." Your spouse is confused. Things won't make sense. And not every action or mood is directly related to you or even to the situation.

3. In an early post, you mentioned some pretty serious issues, and it seems like you agree with your wife's assessment. You said you were a know it all and people don't like to be around you, including your kids. That you are harsh. And yet, we've seen almost nothing about how you are trying to fix those issues.

I'd like to see your posts focus less on your wife and what she is doing, or thinking, or how she will react to X, or what Y means, and a lot more about how you are meeting with an IC to work through your issues, specific examples of changing the way you respond to your kids and others in your life, and what activities you are doing with your kids to start building a better relationship with them.

Those are things you can control. Those are the most significant 180s you can do, but changing a trait like this is hard. Let us support you in that.

Oh, and a note about GAL. It's important. Critical. But if you are just assuming you can leave the house without notice and your wife will watch the kids, you're being kind of a jerk.