I'm freaking out. I just (finally) read the first 2 chapters of David Schnarch's "Passionate Marriage" and OMG if this doesn't completely make sense WAY beyond anything I've read. ALL of the revelations that I have made lately along with ALL my Ws observations of our R are being clarified and confirmed by this. Once again, I'm taking some very hard medicine with this because I now see myself being overly active in trying to "emotionally fuse" with W. Sounds nice right? WRONG!!!! Denying autonomy for the sake of a relationship is destructive. This completely makes sense now but it's too hard to explain here. Everyone on this board needs to try to read this in a very thoughtful way and look inward, with open eyes as they do. This was recommended by my C and she says that most of the really good results are coming from this philosophy.
Anyway, I told my W I wouldn't subject her to anymore books (after SSM) BUT, I will absolutely do anything in the world to get her to read this one. Don't get me wrong. It is a tremendously difficult read and the key points seem to spontaneously happen on every page.
Here's one "star" quote....
"Giving up your individuality to be together is as defeating in the long run as giving up your relationship to maintain your individuality"
I've put a star next to about 20 others like this.
I cannot say enough good things about this book. My W isn't sure what her "issues" are right now despite the efforts I'm making. She seems like Corri was 2 months ago. Hmmm, wait a minute...didn't Corri read this the other night? Isn't she feeling "frisky" now. I see another Corri-lation.
Actually if there ever was a book that could "break through" an LDs hang-ups, I think it's this one.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
