Jmstl-let's get to DBing-Part 4

[joejoe1]

J9,

Those complaints seems like cop outs. She might not like those things, but they seem like symptoms and not the actual problem. It might be hard to get out of her, but I ask my wife questions to get to the bottom of what she dislike the most. I found ways to ask questions that weren't about what I did wrong but what she saw wrong with the marriage.

I used questions that never started with "I".

Like, "You were unhappy in the marriage what could have been done better?"

Or, "There were days you seemed be down, what made you feel that way?" I also learned how to tell her what I did wrong what saying I.

I use to tell her, before I start DBing,

"You were upset with not feeling love and not feeling secure, that must have made this marriage hard."

I did that with a few questions. The first few she said that's not it, you don't get it. But when I finally did, she just listen and responded with, yes it did. I didn't like feeling that way, and will never allow myself to feel that way again. Now I have and know all the things she was expecting from, me that I didn't provide.