I am sorry you are hurting so bad. Pain of any kind sucks, whether it is emotional or physical. Be that as it may, pain is a part of life that you have to face like any other part. It sounds like you are doing a good job of meeting it head on. I think you should be proud of yourself.
Your husband needs to read the book. He needs to take you seriously. You took his pain and suffering seriously, in fact, you sacrificed a lot for him. It was the right thing to do, you love him. Let him know that he needs to read the book, carefully and from cover to cover because you have a very real need for him to understand something about you. Let him know that there is a picture of you painted in words in that book, and that he needs to read it. for your sake. Tell him you want to discuss it when he is finished. Give him a deadline, say a week.
Yes, that is pressure. You have to add air to tires occasionally. They go flat otherwise, even without a leak :-) Air up his tires. If you aren't sure they have enough, give them a couple of quick kicks to see how they sound - metaphorically of course :-)
Don't give up! Don't give up on you or on him. I bet there is a damn good guy in that chair asleep in front of the TV. If he won't call it up, then drag it out of him if you have to. Don't let him nod off into uselessness. Don't you drift off into acceptance. You can be gentle and loving and caring but still demand change.
Please keep us posted.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
