Wife says that she had enough, files for divorce

[SwHubby]

About the DB-rules...

I have a hard time adjusting them to my sitch. Had to read through them again today to remember them instead of a mix of what I remembered about the rules and advices from all kinds of sitches on this site. W seems like a WAW, have to get away from our R and would probably prefer that I moved to the other side of the world (mindreading). Everything I do is seen as negative and mostly directed somehow at her. It is not my intention to be anything else than "nice and casual" when we meet but I find it hard to be self-aware about my appearance and really analyze it from outside.

Perhaps W finds it confusing that I am trying to be nice to her when I am also contesting her regarding D4 and financials? Like I am false? However, I try to seperate the sitch from W. I am capable of both being hurt/angry and loving/liking her.

I do not think there is someone else since she is spending almost all her time with D and has total focus on her. At least there is not anyone in the open.

We have been living apart since BD which is more than 4 months now. But we still meet regularly a couple of times every week because of D. I only contact W when it is something about D, like changing days or something like that. Or responding to her trying to contact me.


I interpret the rules broadly as:
- Improve yourself and be the S they want to be with and always wished for. But for yourself, because YOU want to be that person for the rest of your life.
- Try to avoid unneccessary contact with your spouse (sort of NC), act as if you are moving on with your life and only initiate when you really have to.
- Be calm and validate when you do communicate with S.
- Be nice like you would be to a collegue you do not know that well at work.
- Do not think or analyze what your S is doing or why he/she did/said something. Will just drive you crazy. See below...


So, the main problem for me is how to handle her being aggressive and mean (as I experience it) to me on occasion and at the same time accusing me for being mean to her. It has really thrown me off going forward and concentrating on myself and D. I am wondering time and time again what I am doing to offend her so much that she thinks I am "burning every bridge". I feel like I am shrinking when she is being aggressive towards me. Hopefully I will understand what she means when we talk tonight so I can adjust if it is justified.

I think it would be much easier to DB by the rules if we did not have any conflicts that upsets both of us...