Treasur, I'm thinking about you and hoping that you are doing ok. I know that yesterday was so incredibly difficult and I imagine that today is as well.
To know that you were loved and that he is lost has to bring comfort. My greatest sadness is that sometimes I believe my H meant it when he said he never loved me and he just settled right from the beginning. At least yours clearly loved and still loves you.
Thank you, OwnIt. I don't see that he still loves me, tbh. I'm surprised you think that. I see that he's stewing and starting to feel regret so I am probably no longer irrelevant/invisible in his head. But I don't see love, I see a sort of 'well, there you go' shrug!
I'm ok (happy anniversary to me). I miss him. I haven't sent a card or text as I did last year. I'm just taking the day to feel grateful for the love we had, and the great person who used to share my life. A dear friend called me this morning - isn't that kind? - and her take is that, once the D stuff is done, he will have no reason to be in touch with me. That this will be the point when it hits him and she thinks he'll reappear wanting to talk in a few months. Me? I'm done mind-reading so I'm pressing forward with the assumption that I'll never see him again. Just like he died.
Take care of yourself and remember that not all of this has to be figured out right now and you always have the right to change your mind in the future, as does he.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
