Something to think about. Obviously you have to do what makes you comfortable. When involved in negotiations, I always encourage my clients to have discussions with the other side. You often can learn more by listening in a settlement meeting than you can in all of discovery. My guess is that you would learn things that you would like to know or would hear things that would help with your closure.
Also, your H will doubtless say things that have meaning to you and that your brother won't quite understand in the same way. A suggestion, set up a three-way call. Arrange in advance with your bro that he will do the talking. Both of you have access to computers during the call so you can communicate and ask him to ask your H any questions you might have, and then, just sit back and listen.
I would love it if you could get him to walk through the different assets and have him verbally tell you what he thinks should happen to each and what his rationale is. Without you chiming in at all. The longer he talks, the looser his lips will get. The more you sanitize this through the lawyers (like asking him to send you a lawyer-generated draft out of the gate), the less you learn and the more you are just repeating the same process. There is time for that later. Give him just enough rope to hang himself.
I would just let him talk. And yes, have him give you his proposal. He knows where the proverbial bodies are buried and he is the one that has come forward with an agenda.
I also think by you sitting it out that you send him a message other than a confident lawyer/wife who will stand up for herself.
Just consider it.
I'm not saying to commit to anything without running it by your lawyer, but before anyone puts pen to paper just listen to the guy.
