25yearsMLC 10 Years Later I FILE D part 6

[25yearsmlc]

This guy is bad to the bone. Keep that in mind. Every time you want to take him back tell yourself what you would say to me if I said the same thing.

Not taking him back Own. Someday it might be nice to be able to be in the same room b/c I think my son will marry the woman he's dating. I don't want wedding drama for him.

And d20 will graduate from college (remember h? forgot) and my guess is that as hurt/angry as d20 is, she is probably going to want him at her graduation. I think she yearns for him.

So I will probably have to see h again. My goal is not to lose my $h1t. (& look great!)

If I say otherwise, feel free to smack me. I literally cannot imagine it happening now.

Oh, I had a dream about it, sort of. I was driving h and we were together so I assume we were recon. In the dream we seem to be getting along well and h is saying something soothing. So in the dream I drop h off and we kiss goodbye and I'm driving again.

I'm alone in the car, and suddenly I get really upset and mad and sad about our m, all b/c something triggers it in me. In my dream, it was a past event triggering such an emotional state in me It was like a forehead slapping moment.

I felt intense pain and resignation too. My wording was vague in the dream but amounted to "Oh YEAHHHHH, h did X & Y and Z& then he lied about it all and ...we are not a good couple. Too far gone."

And in my dream, I realized there is no turning back. And in reality, that is also true.

I'm not trying to be a downer for folks here. But this is round 2 for me, and my first round was 2 years long and then had a decade long recon.

Today I'm worn out.