W wants a Divorce.. Again

[Holding]

Hey lostrig, it sounds like there's a lot more to your sitch than you've shared with us.

The communication issues jump out at me, especially with the way fights seem to pop up out of nowhere.

Does she truly hate me this much or is this her dealing with her own struggles and taking it out on me? She was bringing up things from 15 years ago to point out how bad of a person I am.

She's probably taking it out on you. It sounds like she's mad at herself (maybe for something she thinks you "made her do").

Has there been any other discussion of why she wants this, other than what you discussed in your initial post?

[lostrig]

Hey lostrig, it sounds like there's a lot more to your sitch than you've shared with us.

The communication issues jump out at me, especially with the way fights seem to pop up out of nowhere.



She's probably taking it out on you. It sounds like she's mad at herself (maybe for something she thinks you "made her do").

Has there been any other discussion of why she wants this, other than what you discussed in your initial post?

Holding, not really sure what more I can share to enlighten the sitch. I can tell you you this is my W second marriage. Both my W and I tend to bottle up our emotions until they reach a boiling point. We don't argue much but when we do it all comes out.

Most of what she is telling me now as to why she wants out is that she in miserable in this M and will never be happy married to me.

[Holding]

Thanks for clarifying. Just a few more questions to get a feel for things:

Is it fair to say that after you reconciled last year, things never really got back into a good place?

Do you suspect OM?

Do you think going back to DB'ing and GAL won't work this time?

[lostrig]

Is it fair to say that after you reconciled last year, things never really got back into a good place?

Do you suspect OM?

Do you think going back to DB'ing and GAL won't work this time?

Actually when we reconciled last October everything was going really good until around Spring of this year. We were spending more time together and it felt like those were some of the happiest moments of our marriage.

I suppose anything is possible but I don't believe there to be OM involved.

Part of me really wants to make this M work and keep our family together. I know how rare it is to actually reconcile after separation when DP have been filed. I'm not sure if its possible to save a second time around.

[Holding]

Has your W filed for D again this time?

I admit, if I were in your shoes I'd probably feel down that this was the second time around. Do you think GAL and 180s are worth a shot?

[lostrig]

Has your W filed for D again this time?

I admit, if I were in your shoes I'd probably feel down that this was the second time around. Do you think GAL and 180s are worth a shot?

The first time around I was the one who actually filed. It was an emotional knee jerk reaction. I was of the mindset that if she wanted a D than I was going to give it to her. I know she has had a few conversations with her L and I don't believe it will be difficult to pick up where we left off last year in terms of paperwork.
As far as GAL and 180s I don't really have much of a choice but to get out and have some fun. There came a point last summer during the separation that I was really enjoying myself. In fact there are times since I've been back that a little part of me kind of misses the freedom that came along with being separated. I feel I have maintained my 180s from last year so if I 180 to hard I'll be right back where I was.
My W is also an incredibly jealous person. When we first started dating in 2002 I was seeing other women, I was in my mid 20's and just having fun. We had only been seeing each other a short while and we weren't seriously involved. Once our relationship became more involved I stopped dating other women but of course she found out about it a few months in and acted as if I was cheating on her. She actually brought this up again yesterday which really surprised me. She also took a trip to Canada in July and when she returned was making strange comments. The first was that there was Corona in our fridge and she asked who was here drinking that beer as Corona has never been one of preferred beers. She also mentioned that our bed frame was squeaking and must have been from all the wild sex I was having when she was gone. She said it kiddingly at the time so I didn't really put much thought into it.

[lostrig]

So the more I read and research various articles I'm almost certain that W is going through a MLC. A few of the articles I read indicated that women form traumatic childhoods will more than likely go through a MLC. It's not a matter of if, but when. My W father was a heavy drinker and abusive to the kids. He ultimately left them when she was young and they grew up in poverty. A few of the articles went on to say that everything bad that has taken place in her life, I was going to take the blame.

She left me a short letter on my PC this morning. It basically read that once I truly find the women I love I would never to anything to hurt her. That I would never have to apologize for making her cry and that I would always be there to hold her when she needed me. It ended with this. "As far as us, The Lostrig Family, our road is at its end and two new roads are awaiting".

How is a MLC so different from a WW? Do we handle it the same? Detach, 180 and GAL?

[lostrig]

She left me a short letter on my PC this morning.

I forgot to mention that she left me this letter on a notepad that is part of our marketing material which has a picture of the both of us together on it. I'm probably reading to much into it but of all the stationary in the house she writes a letter on this particular one.

[lostrig]

Yesterday I had a meeting that I had been concerned about as I haven't been eating or sleeping very well. I've had a hard time maintaining focus and losing my train of thought.

The meeting went really well and as I was driving home something just came over me. I felt this weight lifted from my shoulders and I realized that I was going to be OK regardless of my MR. I have so much to be thankful for in my life and that my W nor my MR define me as a man. I literally just started to smile and that was the first time I have smiled in a while.

I came home and consumed more calories in a sitting than I have in a while. W came home and I could tell she was in a mood and started making negative comments so I wen't to my room and watched a little TV. Fell asleep, slept through the night and woke up feeling great this morning.

I'm sure it's part of this roller coaster but I'm tired of worrying about a MR my W no longer wants.

[LH19]

I felt this weight lifted from my shoulders and I realized that I was going to be OK regardless of my MR. I have so much to be thankful for in my life and that my W nor my MR define me as a man. I literally just started to smile and that was the first time I have smiled in a while.

I'm sure it's part of this roller coaster but I'm tired of worrying about a MR my W no longer wants.

It's probably just part of the roller coaster. Your too early in to be detached completely.

How is a MLC so different from a WW? Do we handle it the same? Detach, 180 and GAL?

Yep you handle it the same way.