I have been keeping up with everyone's situations even though I haven't posted much in a while. My curiosity is getting peaked. So I have a question for you.
1) In your relationship, have you AND your spouse read SSM?
2) If both of you have read the book, do you see it (the principles contained therein) making a difference in your relationship?
3) Are both of you actively seeking to repair your relationship?
The reason for the questions is to see if there is a direct correlation between exposure to the book and the rate of improvement, and to try and determine if some of the major fear I detect in some folks here can be addressed in a simple way.
Sound off if you have a pair (male or female) :-)
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
1. No, I've read it but my husband hasn't; and I'm re-reading it and putting into practice Michele's advice to just do it. 2. I should probably answer this n/a since we both haven't read the book; but the book is making a difference along with the posts on this board from some of the guys who explain how they feel rejected when their wives turn them down. 3. Yes, we're both actively seeking to repair the relationship. He and I both recently read His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley, and he's trying really hard, and succeeding, at meeting the needs that I identified as mine. I'm also working really hard to meet his needs, especially for physical affection (which to him includes not only sex but foot rubs and back rubs) and admiration, and have apologized for hurting him.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. C. S. Lewis
2) I think the book got us off the ground and allowed us to get over one serious, serious hump. I do not see this book as the be all, end all. I see this as getting two people through the door to a great marriage. I think it is not something that will sustain a great marriage. Additional resources and exploration is needed beyond this book.
3) Yes. Well, no. I mean, we made major repair work to the foundation, which has now led a major addition, and overhaul of the original interior.
2. Yes and no. Probably because I've been the motivated one and have been putting too much pressure on my W. I guess I'm proving that one of the principles works - "too much pressure = less desire". It was a good "introduction" to the changes I wanted to make in the marriage because we had (for 10 years) never even talked about relationship issues. It might be good to re-read when my W doesn't feel so disconnected from me. Also I think my W tuned out when she saw the "just do it" statement.
3. We are in counseling now and W wants to get back to a better marriage but (my worry) she has also learned to be very independent and not too needy in terms of the relationship. This makes her motivation pretty low because she's not seeking the level of intimacy and passion that I'm seeking.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
1. Yes, we've both read it. 2. I'm not sure. I do think it has made a difference in MY outlook, and of course it led me HERE, and the support and encouragement I get HERE are helping me to find different things to try, SOME of which are making a difference, at least for now. I think it's a little too early to tell... 3. Yes, we are both actively seeking to repair our relationship, albeit from different perspectives...
1. I have read the book and a few others. She will not read the book but did read an article about it in a magazine.
2. The principles in the book are making a difference. She has agreed to "Just do it".
3. I don’t feel that she is making a big effort although if you asked her she would say she is. It‘s my birthday today and she had a few presents for me this morning. I could see the pleasure on her face as she gave them to me but it just didn’t come across to me as love. I on the other hand cuddled her tenderly and told her how much I loved her but I got the impression that she wasn’t feeling loved. She was feeling “pressure”.
