open a new checking account and direct deposit into that.
It can't look vindictive. Removing her feels a lot like taking a cell phone away from a grounded teenager, in the same way that cutting off the phone bill seems reactionary and punishing.
You need to make it about you stepping away and less about you trying to "control."
is she a SAHM, or is she gainfully employed?
I ask not because it changes the way I'd approach it, but it changes the message.
It goes from "I'm doing my own thing and taking responsibility for my own finances" which is the message you send to a spouse with a job,
to "you need to start figuring out what you're going to do after we D, because it's not stay at home."
That's what D will look like, right? you'll be doing your thing, and she'll be doing hers.
In no way have you prevented her access to accounts she previously could access, or have been punitive in any way; you're simply "taking your ball and going home."
She can't hold it over you as being controlling then, because you're not. You're doing what's best for you: Setting personal boundaries to protect yourself.
