City, why do they say these things? Last time mine was here he gave me the count of his sexual partners to date (clearly a lie). Since he was a virgin when we married it is obviously a painful number since we are in fact still married. And trust me, I opened the door to nothing that would have brought that out.
I hear you on the friend thing. I think I tried that for a while for the sake of the kids and then thought, wait a minute. This guy lied to me, cheated on me repeatedly, walked out on his kids, treats me like enemy number one, constantly plays games, and is continuing to screw around without moving forward on our divorce. I would never be friends with a third party under those circumstances and this guy did these things TO ME and TO MY KIDS. No thanks.
At this point I manage a sort of snarly civility, and only then when I need something from him (which I go out of my way not to need). This was not an agreed breakup. Nothing about this was normal in my case or yours. Friendship with someone who is incapable of being a friend is not really an option.
I have a couple of things about my situation that are making it easier at present: 1) he is still paying; 2) he leaves me alone; 3) I never get the mushy, confusing stuff; 4) my lawyer does not want me to divorce him. Given these factors, I'm just living my life and letting him do the same. I've stopped interfering when he is awful to the kids and they are doing ok with it.
Although I'm a lawyer, I still don't get all this nisi and absolute stuff that you are Treasur are dealing with. My advice, do what feels emotionally right. If you don't know what that is, then do what makes your life the easiest. Don't factor his welfare in at all. Don't wish for some pie in the sky after he gets sick of eating all those sour cream laden Ukranian dishes.
