Jmstl-let's get to DBing-Part 4

[Jmstl]

She then texted and stated if it was an issue to just let her know bc she didn't want to be inconsistent with when D would go. I tried to validate, and simply responded "I understand

That's good. When it comes to kids stuff, I try to be as less adversarial as possible, unless it something bananas.

She also stated that D needed to practice every day, and offered to go half on a keyboard so D can practice at my Apt. I politely declined, and stated that I would handle it. I went out and bought one for D that D and I agreed would be efficient for her needs. Not that I wanted to spend my own money on it (yeah, it'd be nice to have W pay for it too), but I wanted W to know that I do not need her help financially.

How did you and W handle financial things like this in the past? Did she/you contribute to things for the kids or one parent would get it? I am asking because you might have an opportunity to do a 180 here - accept her invitation for payment so that she also feels like she's contributing to D's well-being and interests. You may not need her help financially, but if you've never asked or taken her help, it would be a good 180 to do.

Do you feel like you're the better parent compared to her? I know I did and I have had to look hard at that to realize that I was projecting my own negative perceptions of W to cloud my thinking. Every opportunity I get now, I do a 180 on this and W has noticed.

I feel that I am making absolutely ZERO progress with my DBing, and often wonder if I should just give in, but I am not giving up. I know that it take an extreme amount of patience.

I know buddy. As the old DB/DR adage says - this is a marathon, not a sprint. Hang in there!

Should I text W and let her know I got the Keyboard, or simply say nothing. I want her to know I followed through on my word (IMO building trust) or just let her think whatever she wants about how I handled it? I'm sure D will tell her tonight anyway.

Reflect on my earlier comment and then think about it.

When it came to money matters in the past we just paid for it out of our joint (only) account. She is paying for the classes themselves, so I did not think it was fair for her to pay for something that would reside soley at my place. At her apt, is the piano.

I have asked for her help financially, esp when it came to getting the apt. I used my paycheck to move her, and skipped the mortgage to do it. I took out a 401k loan to get caught up on the mortgage. So when it came time to get my apt, because I had to sign a lease 12 days before I had intended, I let her know the situation. She offered to look at her budget and help where she could. She said that it was only fair, bc of what I had done for her.

I absolutely do not feel like I am the better parent. If I had to say, I would say that I am the lesser parent, but I cannot state specifically why. D seems to have more fun at W's apt, but I think that is because there is more to do, and she snuggles much more with her in bed. I have fun with her in my own, yet different way (Last night we played dressup and go fish, you should see me in a tutu).

S seems to be talking more, and his new words seem to be mostly coming from W. Although he has learned a few new words from me (glasses and dog bone just this weekend)

I take them for walks every day. I try to let them have fun at dinner (usually pick, and last night let them have ice cream after),

But I still cannot shake that I am not a great dad. Perhaps it is the extreme hit on my self esteem and ego.

I want to be less adversarial. I want to also talk about things other than the kids (but I don't). I want her to start to open up to me (I know I can't control that), but I also don't want her to think I am just being a cold jerk who won't communicate (Communication was a big reason for the Separation to begin with). I want to be engaging and fun for her to be around, but at the same time I want her to know I won't be pushed around and be her plan B.