Jmstl-let's get to DBing-Part 4

[Jmstl]

Jmstl - This is my first posting off something that is not my situation. I could be way of base here; but from what I read in these threads is when it comes to the children; you basically have to do whats best for them only. Go for her, not your W.

Again, this is my first advice ever.

I get that, but D will just tell me about it. There is no reason for me to really go

[lcause]

I would have gone and met the new teacher. If something is important for your children, you put any of your bad feelings aside. Children always comes first. I understand the reaction from your W because this feels like your new activity is more important than your D's hobby. I understand this if your W was going there alone and asking you to join. Be there for your kids to always rely on. They value your presence more than you know and more now than ever.

[Maika]

I agree with lcause and Chris, but I am not sure about one thing. Did she just bring this up out of the blue or did you have advance warning that there is a new teacher?

If she just sprung it on you and you couldn't go, you could say something like this to W - "could you please let me know in advance so that I can make sure I am there for D."

You guys need to communicate better when it comes to the kids, but that's about it. I had a kerfuffle about this last weekend and I realized that I need to be more proactive and communicate better with W about the kids - and that doesn't really go against DB/DR. Just don't find other ways to contact her or keep up communications.

[Jmstl]

I agree with lcause and Chris, but I am not sure about one thing. Did she just bring this up out of the blue or did you have advance warning that there is a new teacher?

If she just sprung it on you and you couldn't go, you could say something like this to W - "could you please let me know in advance so that I can make sure I am there for D."

You guys need to communicate better when it comes to the kids, but that's about it. I had a kerfuffle about this last weekend and I realized that I need to be more proactive and communicate better with W about the kids - and that doesn't really go against DB/DR. Just don't find other ways to contact her or keep up communications.

M,

I knew that she was finding a new teacher for D. She even put it on the calendar. It is her weekend. I had plans. She called and asked if I wanted to go, or just let D tell me about it. I think that was the unexpected part. I think that when it comes to the kids, we do communicate pretty well.

[Maika]

Thanks for clarification.

Yeah, when parents are rotating weekends with the kids, it gets complicated. I'll tell you what I am doing. If she has the kids for the weekends, I go to kids activities and events that I want to go. So, if I know about it, I am more proactive about it for the kids. I plan my stuff around that.

If you didn't want to go, that's fine too. Just see if D would have wanted you there or not. You decide the level of involvement you want when she has the kids. And vice versa too.

[Jmstl]

Thanks for clarification.

Yeah, when parents are rotating weekends with the kids, it gets complicated. I'll tell you what I am doing. If she has the kids for the weekends, I go to kids activities and events that I want to go. So, if I know about it, I am more proactive about it for the kids. I plan my stuff around that.

If you didn't want to go, that's fine too. Just see if D would have wanted you there or not. You decide the level of involvement you want when she has the kids. And vice versa too.

Yeah. W is totally in charge of Piano. I am in charge of Karate.

Admittedly I am aggravated bc the time is set for 530 on Saturdays.

I already have plans with the Kids mapped out for my next 3 weekends.

So, do I not take her to these lessons, or do I alter my plans? That is the question I am asking myself.

Side note, I finally got my blog onto the proper domain, instead of the temporary one I had.

I am looking for to my GAL activities today/tonight/tomorrow. They are definitely a welcome distraction.

[Maika]

Stay a little flexible with the kids stuff. Just my opinion. My son has art class every Saturday. If he's with me, I take him. If he's with W she takes him. When W takes him, I show up because I want to be there for his class and see what he's doing. When I take him, I don't ask W if she's going to come. She knows where and when it is. IF she wants to come, she can, but I am not following up with her.

I basically choose what I want to do when it comes to kids stuff. I am there for soccer games even when it's not my weekend.

See what works for your D in this scenario. Would she like you to be involved with her piano lessons? Make your choice based on that.

[Maika]

BTW - I haven't commented on your blog. It's a great idea and for people who like writing, it's such a great release. I know you said you don't care who reads it, but I would try and make sure W can't find it. Just like this forum - even if I ever recon with W, this forum is going to be my personal place and I won't ever tell her about it. Just my two cents.

[Jmstl]

BTW - I haven't commented on your blog. It's a great idea and for people who like writing, it's such a great release. I know you said you don't care who reads it, but I would try and make sure W can't find it. Just like this forum - even if I ever recon with W, this forum is going to be my personal place and I won't ever tell her about it. Just my two cents.

Thanks Maika. It has been very cathartic. I have enjoyed writing it very much. As I said before, in some ways, I almost wish she /would/ read it. I haven't written about my DB efforts, but more about the raw emotions that come with it.

[Jmstl]

Good GAL weekend. Went drinking with some friends Sat night, then went shooting at the range yesterday morning.

W asked when she should start D on her new piano schedule, b/c I told her I already had plans with the kids for the coming weekend.

She then texted and stated if it was an issue to just let her know bc she didn't want to be inconsistent with when D would go. I tried to validate, and simply responded "I understand"

She also stated that D needed to practice every day, and offered to go half on a keyboard so D can practice at my Apt. I politely declined, and stated that I would handle it. I went out and bought one for D that D and I agreed would be efficient for her needs. Not that I wanted to spend my own money on it (yeah, it'd be nice to have W pay for it too), but I wanted W to know that I do not need her help financially.

I feel that I am making absolutely ZERO progress with my DBing, and often wonder if I should just give in, but I am not giving up. I know that it take an extreme amount of patience.

I am coming closer to dropping the rope every day though. That, to me, is progress.

Should I text W and let her know I got the Keyboard, or simply say nothing. I want her to know I followed through on my word (IMO building trust) or just let her think whatever she wants about how I handled it? I'm sure D will tell her tonight anyway.