I have a different perspective to share here that may or may not be helpful but "what the heck".
I'm the higher wage earner and am the one reluctant to "reward" my STBX for what she did. I also have a lot of anger that I'm trying to process and revenge, while petty is so very tempting. I'm also pretty sure that she has hidden some assets. Is she a narcissist? Well - many of the check-boxes get filled.
In the last settlement meeting it was pretty obvious that she was still completely unprepared and that she was furiously angry. The things that I (mind reading!) think she was angry about were that: - She was going to have to reveal "her" holdings - she always hated anybody including me being involved in "her" stuff. - She was going to have to do actual work to get the settlement - That I wasn't just rolling over - That I'm not playing along with her narrative (ahem - blatant and obvious lies) about her guy and her infidelity and her future plans - That I'm angry and bitter about what she did to me and our family
Now - maybe "I'm" a narcissist myself. Don't know but she would probably say I was.
Where I'm getting to though is a place where rather than looking at this in anger and punish her or trying to get the "best deal", I'm starting to look at it from the point of view of asking how much it will cost me to get this woman out of my life.
In your case 25 - you want to do things in a way that is "fair" to you. Which means digging in to his assets, mucking around in the swamp of his secrets etc. And that's good and reasonable from most people's point of view. As a lawyer you probably feel that following the proscribed procedures and doing things "right" is the best way to do them.
What if instead though you looked at it as "what am I willing to take" and maybe have your lawyer present a deal that doesn't involve discovery or getting every last cent you "deserve". You could present it as being simple and clean and letting him "have the retirement he deserves" - feel free to use that line
Just my 2 cents as a guy who is going to be reluctantly hosed over.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
