Had dinner with a friend on Tuesday. She asked me if I'd take the wife back if she wanted to try again. I thought about it for a bit, and realized, no, I don't want her to return so we could continue in the same crappy marriage. If she would acknowledge her contributions to the failure of our marriage, and want to, and make effort to change, I would. But otherwise, no.
This is what I've been struggling with for the past 6 months. Constantly asking myself, "Why do I keep fighting to save my marriage?" From my perspective my W is still acting like an alien so why would I want to live with and be married to someone like that? Yes, of course I would entertain the idea of piecing if she showed genuine remorse and a willingness to transform the relationship. But that's not happening and I don't expect it to for a long time (if ever).
My ego gets in the way. I don't want to let go because I don't want to lose. In my head, conceding = admitting she's right and she wins. But this is unhealthy and unrealistic. The only person I have to answer to is myself. I tried everything I could think of to avoid getting divorced. Now I have to do what's right for me and my kids, without worrying about her... Easier said than done though!!
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
