I've been giving her space, going dark, GAL. Still exercising, still meeting friends for drinks/lunch, still golfing, still keeping the house tidy and clean, trying new things, having fun with the kids, spending time at my family's cabin (which she loved.... I'm sure she's bummed she'll not be invited again). Bought a new car. Something less than 27 years old (my current ride), with air conditioning (yeah!). Been on a few dates.
That all sounds great Jim! Nice work!
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I just can't detach. I act "as if," but I still miss her terribly.
Like Thornton said, you're still very early in your sitch. OF COURSE you miss her! Be patient with yourself, it'll get better with time!
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I've been on a few dates, but I know I'm emotionally unavailable. I enjoy these women's company, but emotionally they don't mean anything to me 'cause I'm still hung up on her.
Yes, exactly why I always mention not to jump into dating too soon. You're not ready and it's not fair to the women you're going out with. Again, you just need more time. Be patient
Even though you might be hurting you are still handling business. You have a lot of logical things you throughout this painful time. A lot people react emotionally. As I often have. Reading your story shows me there is a way to be strong and hurt at the same time.
Thanks for the posts they give me hope.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Had dinner with a friend on Tuesday. She asked me if I'd take the wife back if she wanted to try again. I thought about it for a bit, and realized, no, I don't want her to return so we could continue in the same crappy marriage. If she would acknowledge her contributions to the failure of our marriage, and want to, and make effort to change, I would. But otherwise, no.
That's a big step for me.
Also, I've been reading some of the other threads, and about taking my balls back. It's been good for me, and I've made some changes to other relationships and been more assertive. It's worked out fairly well, especially because I have realized I didn't really care whether the other person liked it or not.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
I thought about it for a bit, and realized, no, I don't want her to return so we could continue in the same crappy marriage. If she would acknowledge her contributions to the failure of our marriage, and want to, and make effort to change, I would. But otherwise, no.
Good for you! Thats what it is about, getting your confidence back! The sooner you get your confidence back the better off you will be emotionally in your sitch.
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Also, I've been reading some of the other threads, and about taking my balls back. It's been good for me, and I've made some changes to other relationships and been more assertive.
I have literally spent hours on this site reading threads as far back as 10 years ago. This site is the only reason why I feel as good as I do. Nice work!
Just got an interesting email from my W. She's having problems with her hip, and has scheduled a doctor's appt for Wednesday, which means she can't go to work this week as planned. (She's a flight attendant.) With her history, I wouldn't be surprised if she has surgery. She's had a LOT of surgeries in the last few years.
A part of me says "Oh, that's a shame. I hope she's alright."
The far larger part of me says "Ha! Who's going to take care of you NOW, bitch?!?!"
I'm not proud of that, but there it is.
Maybe I'm not quite as detached as I thought..... or, maybe I'm just a horrible person.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Had dinner with a friend on Tuesday. She asked me if I'd take the wife back if she wanted to try again. I thought about it for a bit, and realized, no, I don't want her to return so we could continue in the same crappy marriage. If she would acknowledge her contributions to the failure of our marriage, and want to, and make effort to change, I would. But otherwise, no.
This is what I've been struggling with for the past 6 months. Constantly asking myself, "Why do I keep fighting to save my marriage?" From my perspective my W is still acting like an alien so why would I want to live with and be married to someone like that? Yes, of course I would entertain the idea of piecing if she showed genuine remorse and a willingness to transform the relationship. But that's not happening and I don't expect it to for a long time (if ever).
My ego gets in the way. I don't want to let go because I don't want to lose. In my head, conceding = admitting she's right and she wins. But this is unhealthy and unrealistic. The only person I have to answer to is myself. I tried everything I could think of to avoid getting divorced. Now I have to do what's right for me and my kids, without worrying about her... Easier said than done though!!
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
I feel the exact same way as you. "Why do I keep fighting to save my marriage?"
My ego gets in my way as well. I hate losing, but I start realizing I'm losing myself trying to win back my wife. There is no losing if I gain my happiness. I had a wake up call yesterday and 25 gave me some great advice. I haven't fully detached. I haven't given the process its full due. I have been doing things to get a reaction from my wife. No more. I mean no more. It's all about me and my boys. I will detach with love, but I have awaken. I know about the make some mistakes, but my caring and emotional side has died for her. She doesn't see it coming but, I'm finally ready. And Chris73, and Jim1234 so are you'll.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Just got an interesting email from my W. She's having problems with her hip, and has scheduled a doctor's appt for Wednesday, which means she can't go to work this week as planned. (She's a flight attendant.) With her history, I wouldn't be surprised if she has surgery. She's had a LOT of surgeries in the last few years.
A part of me says "Oh, that's a shame. I hope she's alright."
The far larger part of me says "Ha! Who's going to take care of you NOW, bitch?!?!"
I'm not proud of that, but there it is.
Maybe I'm not quite as detached as I thought..... or, maybe I'm just a horrible person.
You are not a horrible person, but if you are like me, we want our WW to learn a lesson. We did some things in our marriage that weren't the best, but we are fixing ourselves and they want to prove to us that they can live without us. Here is a chance for you to prove she can't and that makes you feel good. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't be spiteful and mean. Detach with love. It's hard I know.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Just don't be spiteful and mean. Detach with love. It's hard I know.
I'm probably jumping the gun... she'll probably never ask for my help, but if she does, does anyone have any suggestions as to a reply that won't sound spiteful and mean?
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
