I'm totally fine with you rejecting my suggestions. I offer them up only as another option. As a litigator I know that creativity is essential. I have spent years now learning everything there is to know about narcissists, and I strongly believe you are using the wrong tools for this particular battle. Nevertheless, you are a smart lady and have to weigh your odds and play the hand in a way that makes you comfortable.
But, I have a hard time picturing you as some fragile creature that would have a "set back" after making a strategic move in a lawsuit. I think you finally get what a POS your STBX is. I don't see that his behavior in an expected manner is something that will set you back. I don't see you falling loving into his arms and swimming in his beautiful blue eyes (and of course I have no idea what his eye color is).
You fighting him in an arena that he is enjoying, particularly because it is your arena, plays into his ego swell. Imagine how powerful he feels at the moment defying the law and the judge's order and having no consequence for it. Imagine how powerful he feels beating his smart wife at her own game.
The only way to defeat a narcissist is to disarm them. How do you disarm a narcissist? You appeal to their weakness.
Seems like the NC is not bothering your H one iota. I'm sure it is easier on you from an emotional level, but you indicated previously that the financial situation is the biggest thing holding you back. I don't see this changing for you any time soon and despite being a year in you are not far in the case at all from what I can gather. You still have essentially no idea what the assets are and where they are at present, whether he is working or not, etc.
What does a settlement conference do for you at this point? Eventually get to an agreement that he will also violate? Pay lots of money in attorney prep and meeting time and have no agreement and press on in the litigation to get another order that he will defy? Give him the opportunity to sit there and lord it all over you?
What is going to get you the money is him being willing to pay it. Period. What is going to bring that about? It's time to get creative and stop thinking that the lawyers are going to bring him to his knees. It won't happen.
Get the money and the D, then go NC.
I live on the opposite coast from you but make trips sometimes to a certain government office in Alexandria where they specialize in one of two areas of the law recognized in the Constitution.
If you ever make it to either of the two states above where your D is pending, then I would be happy to meet up with you.
