Given that he has already dug in and is doing everything he can to screw you and will likely continue, what if you reached out to him and appealed to his "goodness" and "honor". Narcissists love to be told how great they are.
What if you said I think something is getting lost in this process with the lawyers because I am quite certain it is not your intention to leave me penniless or our D in a precarious situation with her schooling. We've been partners and had each other's backs for most of our lives so it seems very sad to me that we can't reach a civil resolution here at the end. I realize that you weren't happy with me and wanted a different kind of life and I accept that I need to make my own life going forward, but I want us to leave this marriage with dignity and I don't really feel that we are doing that right now.
This kind of speech generally works very well with my H. If I remind him what a "decent" guy he is or how we have supported each other in the past, he generally does what I want or need him to.
Perhaps your crazy H just needs to feel like he has some control back and he can choose to be a good guy.
I frankly don't see the downside of making this kind of park bench effort since he's already dug in and is screwing you about as badly as he can.
