New to the journey and thank you.

[Kylo]

On Saturday I met with my IC for the second time. A few takeaways:

-IC doesn't seem to have much hope for the R. She isn't familiar with the "fog" of MLC. She doesn't think these things happen overnight, (which they don't, but the ILYBNILWY does). I don't think she jibes with my values and might think I'm a little weird to try and stay. None of this was stated, but it was what I was reading out of the situation. It put a damper on my hope for the R, although I would have put my odds at 15% anyway.

-Also she brought up a Borderline trait I missed: Object Constancy. Basically my current attitude toward my W is "THE" way I feel about her. She doesn't consider that I made a marriage commitment, or maybe I was an amazing H last week. all that matters is the current state of affairs, and that becomes how things "always" are. I used to say that she lives in a microcosm. whatever happened this week is what always happens. This also explains how she could feel I was using her for sex. My commitment to her didn't register. My track record of trying to save it for marriage didn't mean anything. It is flipping amazing that all this was there and I had no clue.

-The further removed I get from our past R, the more I realize the parts that weren't normal or healthy, but in the moment it is hard to discern.