LRT is my 180

[Gordie]

Seek out legal advice before changing locks or anything.

[AvgGuy]

Day 2 of dead silence, and I'm ok w that. Still need time to work on me, GAL, and prepare my mind for next contact. I expect that contact will come Mon/Tues if/when she stops by to get her mail.

In that same text in which I cancelled last Friday's meeting, I informed W that she has some important mail here at the house and that over the weekend I would assemble it into a folder and leave folder in the kitchen.

Contained within the folder are several medical bills which add up to a fairly significant sum (thousands, not hundreds, of dollars). The bills are for procedures she had done during June. These bills also represent the first time I'm pushing off any bill paying onto her. Up to now, I was handling all bill paying (other than whatever she's doing privately, of course). So, reality check time has arrived.

She WILL flip out when she sees these. She has always been difficult to talk to about money even on her best days. I'm sure I will get a nastygram text about these.

Here's the note I plan on leaving with her mail. Let me know if this sounds appropriate:

"A few things:

- Please leave this folder here for my future use.
- It is up to you to check folder periodically, I won't be notifying you about mail.
- Please notify me if you're coming by the house
A. I might have guests and don't want interruptions.
B. If you want to come and go here as you please, then to be fair you should leave me your address and a copy of your house key so that I can come and go as I please there.
- I'm open to discussing additional payment help for your med bills, but such help must account for the $$ that already come from my paycheck for both the HSA fund and the health and dental insurance premiums.
- Reminder to keep the account for shared expenses adequately funded. Approx $__ is required per month there."

[joejoe1]

That letter is awesome. She will wake up some after letter. Great way to put your foot down and show your strength.

Only thing I think is missing is consquences. What happens if she don't listen to your terms set in the letter. You should those ready when she tries you.

[AvgGuy]

I will consider adding consequences, thanks JJ.

[AvgGuy]

Talking w D22 a little while ago, which was nice overall. But she saw W yesterday at a family ladies event and shared some things she talked about with W. Most of it was no big deal other than W planning a family vacation for next summer and no mention of me.

Started getting that knotty feeling in my gut again. Ugh. I'm doing fairly well but I guess I'm not detached quite enough yet?
This is really hard at times. Here I thought I was doing pretty well.

[Btrow]

Started getting that knotty feeling in my gut again. Ugh. I'm doing fairly well but I guess I'm not detached quite enough yet?
This is really hard at times. Here I thought I was doing pretty well.

That's why it's called a roller coaster ride. You are only 2-3 months in, and those hard times will come back occasionally for several more months, I'm afraid.

I think the information regarding the future holiday got you down. Any sort of information from your W's sandbox can do that to you. I'm 10 months in, and still have sad moments from time to time. Especially when the kids mention what's going on at my XW's place. At least I can go weeks without feeling down now, so eventually it wears off.

[AvgGuy]

Thx for the encouragement B.

Interestingly, a short while ago I got a text from W's sister. W and I have been very close with this sister and her H over the years, and they've remained friendly with me through this and have been very supportive. Had me over a few times just to hang out when I was lonely or had a bad day, stuff like that.
W has been irritated at times knowing I was at sister's. I make no apologies for it.

This sister is the one who hosted said family event yesterday. She texted today just to ask if I'm ok. Told her I'm taking a different approach now and am detaching myself from W. I can't fix her, etc.

Sister said she's worried about W. W looks tired, thin, and unhappy. And she understands my POV. Perhaps oddly, her observations about W made me feel a little better. Is that some bitterness seeping out of me - wanting W to hurt a little?

[Btrow]

Sister said she's worried about W. W looks tired, thin, and unhappy. And she understands my POV. Perhaps oddly, her observations about W made me feel a little better. Is that some bitterness seeping out of me - wanting W to hurt a little?

I think it's normal to want to see them hurt just a little bit.

Are you sure you should be discussing your sitch with SIL though? Once again, too much information could make your head spin more than nessesary. Just be sure you trust SIL enough, that she doesn't provide information to your W. Words such as detachment and "can't fix" shouldn't reach W..

[AvgGuy]

Good food for thought B.

[AvgGuy]

Next GAL step: get my sorry butt moving again at work.
All this BS was weighed on my mind so heavily that I lost focus at work.
Normally a pretty good employee (not perfect), my attention and production have been in the crapper all summer. I've got 2 projects waaay behind and over budget; I've got to get it together at work!!

My sister and her H invited me to dinner tomorrow which will be nice. My dad will be there too, also nice.