I've found (no idea how) that I seem to have got to that sweet spot of Both/And detachment. I absolutely accept I can't resurrect my family or my life pre-BD, and that I cannot prevent my much-loved H from the effects of his own chaos. I need to protect me, of course, and sometimes the current truth of what I'm dealing with does make me angry or sad or uncertain.
I know now that my M is over, or will be soon. I don't know what will happen to my H. I may never know. I don't know what will unfold for me next either, but it feels more likely to be good things because I'm not in crisis! I also know that, no matter who else I love in different ways, my love for my H is written on my bones. So I will deal with the legal stuff with my head and let my heart guide me to be kind about all the other things that won't damage me, but might matter to my H if he ever comes out of the fog. In some ways, once we get past the worst of the pain and the fear, and really let go, it becomes much simpler.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
