Came back from my walk to find an email from my F***tard H, same one who said he would send some draft £ thoughts over, same one who said 'family issues' had stopped him doing so but he would definitely do today in advance of us talking tomorrow.
H: Ok. The reality is that my solicitor has advised me very strongly that anything in writing about financials should come from her and that I shouldn't put anything in writing.
What I can say is that with the news about the house the areas that I think we have left to discuss are pension and house proceeds.
The way I see it we will talk on the phone, hopefully come to an agreement and then have our respective solicitors draft it for agreement.
So, he even lied about doing that. What do we all say, I know, believe nothing they say and only 50% of what they do. I took a deep breath....and completely lost patience. (This may be my own final FFS bit of Letting Go!) I replied:
Ok. I understand what you say. It is why I said clearly in an earlier email that we both undertook that any email exchanges were draft ideas and neither of us would use them in a legal situation. I had hoped to resolve the financial issues - pension and impact on my state pension, house equity, the household account, a rebalancing of money you have taken from our marital pot, the difference between my joint support in paying towards your grandmother’s care vs your lack of support for your mother-in-law’s care, my watch vs your request for your wedding ring, the liability of a diabetic cat and the recognition that you did extremely well as a young man from substantial assets I shared openly with you as well as the difference in our current financial circumstances.
Since this situation began, I have behaved with fairness and transparency even when you ignored every attempt I made to communicate practically. For months at a time. By comparison, you have stonewalled me, left me in practical, legal and emotional limbo, lied, been unfaithful, broken endless promises, ignored most deadlines, filed for divorce when I told you I was having cancer surgery, taken financial shared resources for your own use and thrown my watch in the Thames.
It seems to me that there is a clear difference between how trustworthy our behaviour to date has been.
If, as your message suggests, you are now saying that you do not trust ME at my word to exchange some ideas in advance of talking, then I find that offensive. Having ended our marriage by simply refusing to speak to me for months, this feels highly manipulative on your part. And I am way past giving you the benefit of the doubt because you have done some truly rotten things. This was not who you were but it is who you are choosing to be, for whatever reason. Every time I try to respond to inch us forward out of this mess, it seems to me that you are adopting your parents’ wonderful habit of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory by throwing up barriers. It is beyond exasperating and I genuinely do not know what to do with this madness anymore.
it is quite unreasonable that you should expect me to discuss such important issues on the hoof without time to prepare my thoughts, particularly when your solicitor has still only prised partial financial information from you on things like credit card statements and the Barclays shares you sold.
It would seem we are at an impasse. I will take some time to think what I need to do now.
Back to my legal/practical drawing board, I guess. I'll take a few days and some advice from my L to figure out what I need to do to get out of this mess while my STBXH continues to do everything he can to get in the way of his own divorce and drags us into spending thousands on Ls. Aaaargh...how did this become my life! Right now, it would be better for me if he just got run over by a bus.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
