Hugs to you. I know all the feelings you describe. Even the ones about H filing and then not following through with the actual paperwork! Ack.
I love that you express that you did love that man and that you did love that m. That it wasn't a big fantasy, but that it was in fact real and worth cherishing. It's just heartbreaking that it is now gone.
I know country music isn't big in the U.K. but listen to "Better Man" by Little Big Town. It's cathartic. The bravest thing you have ever done is run from this mess, as hard as it is to do that. You can say you tried your best.
Peace unto you.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
