Yes, this 'new' H is a good alien. I am sort of amazed that he is coming back around. You know, they say that when they come out of the MLC tunnel that they are forever changed, and in my H's case it appears that he has changed.
It's bitter sweet really because when he stepped off the edge of the earth and fell into the chasm of MLC he became such a 'dark' and 'unloveable' man while he was off 'finding himself' doing and saying hurtful things. But I look at him today through all these months of his evolution and see a completely different man.
I remember how I use to pray that he'd come back, and while praying that he would I'd have these nagging thoughts about what I was really losing. I often thought about the narcissist he'd become, and admitted to myself time and time again, that he wasn't such a prize and wondered why having him back in my life could possibly be so important to me.
I would ask myself, why would I want this selfish, self absorbed man back in my life. Why should/do I miss a man that shared only a small part of himself and his life with me?
But, despite my reservations I plodded along.
I worried about 'who' or 'what' I'd be getting back if he did return and if that 'new' him would be just, or more, unbearable then he was before, during and immediately after his A.
It is amazing that as he comes through the final stages of his metamorphisis that he actually is a better, more decent, more considerate and aware man, than he has been in over 20 yers. It's as if this self created hell of his has shaken his world to it's base and he has grabbed onto to the reality that there are no 'quick fixes' for personal pain and there isn't a cure for it outside yourself.
I'm looking at a man who broke himself down to his core and is now struggling to find his center and is discovering that all he ever really needed to be happy was to choose to be happy, right here with what was always there in front of him.
The contentment and peace I see in him has not been there for more years than I care to remember. He's happy, he's in love with me and maybe for the first time in all our years together he finally believes and feels safe to be loved and to love me and his sons just as we are. T2
