Squinting at the morning sun

[ciluzen]

Hey, Coly! Musician man invited me to hear him play last night. He had given me a CD to listen to (had to play it in my car- only place I have a CD player now!). He has a lovely voice, but I realized I really didn't want to effort driving 45 minutes to sit at a table by myself gazing at him as he played. That picture I just described is not the one in which I want to be THAT girl. He is a very sweet guy, but so passive...I need a challenge. I need someone who challenges my ideas. I'm already bored with this guy. He has settled in life and just wants a companion. So, no...not him. Now, how to nicely break it off? I haven't lied...I do enjoy talking to him. But I realize he thinks that means more than it does. With me, what I say just means...what I say. I don't play games. And so, on the flip side...I can't think of a soft way to say I like you but not in a romantic way.

Bio guy WILL challenge me. He also has goals and ideas and a life. I am supposed to go out with him in a few days. He also gives me space (other guy called me daily but apologized each time for bothering me), which I realize I need. I will see if any sparks happen this time.

I wouldn't say either is my type. I'm still defining that. Hard to manifest (slang version of the verb) a guy if you haven't pinned down a type, right?

I have figured out that there are certain things I do want. I want someone who hasn't taken our age as a death sentence, given up, or settled. Someone who still has not only a bucket list (so trendy right now), but real personal goals they are working toward. Someone who believes in giving to others OUTSIDE of work and family. A person who can agree to disagree, without giving up their point of view if they are passionate and informed. Yet also able to concede if they find they are wrong or not as informed as they thought. Fear of being wrong holds so many people back...its okay to make a mistake and learn from it!

And...someone who takes care of themselves. I'm not saying they have to live at the gym or count every calorie, abstaining from "naughty" foods. That's too much for me. But someoneone who showers regularly, brushes and cares for their teeth, and wears clean, properly fitting clothing would be nice. You wouldn't believe how uncommon that seems to be in men my age! As if they still need a mother to take care of them! I have two kids...grown...I don't need anymore (unless I foster). Yeesh!