LRT is my 180

[Cadet]

I would love to get some feedback addressing Miaka's concern about W having free access to the house.

How often is she accessing the house now?

It likely is a legal question when all gets said and done.

There are no right or wrong answers to some of these questions however everything you do sets precedent for what then follows.

What do you think you should do and why?

[TBSakaJ9]

I had always thought a PA would be a dealbreaker. Turned out it wasn't. But it would be a dealbreaker if it happened again, definitely!

Yes, boundaries and transparency requirements are things I still need to dig into and work out. I agree about 'girls gone wild' - zero tolerance for that.

Avg......the reason why I asked the question was because you said this. It would be a deal breaker if it happened again and you wouldn't tolerate girls gone wild. So she has moved out and if you found out these things were going on now would that cause you to file for D?

[AvgGuy]

J9,
I'm thinking those are boundary items if we start to work on R.
I believe things are going on right now (no proof) and I haven't filed yet. So I guess I'm still open to reconciling at this point.

[AvgGuy]

Cadet,
Unsure what to do about house access. Sometimes I can tell she has been here and it unnerves me a little, just my anxiety I guess. She took my laundry basket the other day and left my dirty clothes on the floor; that annoyed me a little. I'm keeping DR and related items (notes, articles) with me at all times, so they're not at the house for her to see.
If she's letting the dog out while here, that's a plus.

[TBSakaJ9]

I'm thinking those are boundary items if we start to work on R.
I believe things are going on right now (no proof) and I haven't filed yet. So I guess I'm still open to reconciling at this point.

They are good things to think through and there is no right or wrong answer. I always assumed the worst in my sitch even though I had no proof. If it is happening my W has not disrespected me on social media with it, flaunts it in front of my face, etc. so that has made it easier in some regards. Just start working on yourself and take the focus off your W.

[Cadet]

She took my laundry basket the other day and left my dirty clothes on the floor; that annoyed me a little.

Not to be counter but just the legal question,
who's laundry basket was it?

Your, hers or a joint possession?

My point is not about this laundry basket but the items in your house, her apartment and finances in general.
You need to protect yourself.
Boundaries are part of that, and in some case a boundary
must be enforced with a lock and key.
Splitting up is not easy, and many times physical possession is 9/10 of the law.

She took the laundry basket so now it is hers.
See what I mean?

[AvgGuy]

Lock and key might not do the trick anyway. Ds are in the habit of exiting thru the garage and relying on the garage door lock not the house door lock. W's car has garage door access.

[AvgGuy]

Maybe the garage door openers can be reprogrammed. IDK I've never looked into that.

[Cadet]

Maybe the garage door openers can be reprogrammed. IDK I've never looked into that.

FTR - yes there is a button on them that you need to press to reprogram them.

Google it for your brand make and model

[AvgGuy]

Cadet, even before our discussion I was thinking of leaving a note with her mail. Something like, "Please notify me if you plan on coming to the house, in case I have guests or it's just a bad time." More focused on my privacy than possessions with that.

I feel like there might be legal issues with changing locks and stuff like that. And what do I do about her mail? Make her get some forwarding set up?