Picking up Her MESS

[marina7]

25yearsmlc,

Hello and taking it a day at a time...that's all we can do

I would say the biggest mistake I am learning is that my EA really affected my W I honestly thought we where ok and I push for MC but we never got to it so I can say we swept it under the rug, now that I look back I really broke her W said she felt unworthy but it was Stupid mistake that only God knows I wish I could take back but the damage is done. Since W confronted me of EA I never ever denied I said yes and was so mad at myself because I seen the hurt in W eyes. I have beaten myself for this I will do anything to go in time.

Going to therapy has also open my eyes how an EA is worse sometimes as my therapist explain I didn't know this and I feel horrible and I remember telling W always she deserved better because I felt unworthy. W is the type of person that she doesn't forgive or forget but also her Pride also gets the best of her. I have explain to W why the EA it wasn't because my W isn't beautiful or not attractive it was because she lacks with showing affection with me and kids and even her parents I am realizing this is who she is.

So to finance I was a work alcoholic and put her through school and then we both work very hard but in 2015 I got hurt at work but still went to work in pain but it got worse so lawyer and doctors agree that I couldn't go to work as it was making it worse I was then receieving workers comp pay and W was ok with that in fact W made a comment as you deserve to relax for once because I always work so much and W and I agree we could make it until I heal. So then we where not having finance problem. But now that W took everything and I have no income coming in until workers comp lawyers come to settlement agreement. So I am now in a small home no money living in my cc.

Our children's are adopted legally by Illinois my children birth certificate says both mom names so yes they are siblings. I also don't understand why take only one child but W has stated she can't handle all three her anxiety becomes horrible and is not fair to them but am not sure how fair it is to separate them I guess only she knows until I get the finance to hire a lawyer. Or hoping legal aid will call me it's been 48hrs since they said someone will call you.

As I stated I did all the typical mistake from the beginning the begging and pleading even on my knees but the last 3 weeks I have done 180 keeping it short and even not talking for weeks. I am focusing in healing and getting better and my d9 and s8 is so hard not able to see my S9 and keeping my distance but I also can see this 180 is making her see W lost me W no longer on phone when dropping s9 on Friday and asking me questions while I try to ignore. Yesterday W called saying is 5 pm ok I said yes and hung up. A text was sent from W saying "why are you being short and standoffish with me I thought we where doing better" I didn't respond I then seen W and did our exchange she tried to have a conversation but I said ok we gotta go and left. As I was driving I seen her standing there seeing me drive off.

I really wanted to talk with her and give her a hug goodbye but I am realizing this is over and I need to treat her as an XW.

Going back to your question is this a completion her having OW I have not yet confirm but all signs are there but I think W wants me to feel what it feels to hurt W has brought it up before how it [censored] to hurt or it doesn't feel good right like taunting me. I guess in her teenage mind w wants me to hurt who knows what her thoughts are really are. I guess I will never get that answer how can you tell your Spouse they are your world she loves her family and then 4 days later BD like nothing.

Only God knows what future holds my faith is big in my gut and heart says we not over yet or this was the last hump to see if our relationship will stand stronger than it's ever been.