Count on ups and downs (IV)

[Sotto]

Hi WillDo, I'm glad that you decided to choose therapy again as getting to a better place yourself is the primary aim here - whatever your spouse may be doing.

I notice your timeline is similar to mine - though we S at BD and XH pressed ahead with D which finalised last year. It wasn't what I wanted, but in a way is easier than a long term in-house situation like yours. You may find it helpful to read Gordie's thread as he is also living with his spouse.

So, if we go back to DB basics - GALing, which leads to detachment, working on you, 180s - can you tell us a little bit more about how things are going here??

Have you seen any movement WRT your relationship over this time? Is your W still focused on separation? You mentioned her disrespect and I wondered how you respond when you feel she is disrespectful?

Tell us a little more and hopefully we can help...this site has certainly played a bit part in helping me get to a better place. I recently read that the path to happiness is to focus on these three things - self love, love for others (having good connections with friends and family, animals - which may or may not include a romantic relationship) and doing things you love.

I would add to this - practicing gratitude - and I also found Shawn Achor's TED talk really helpful for 5 things you can do if you want to feel better - meditate, exercise, gratitude, journal about a positive thing yesterday and an act of kindness. I think what you focus on grows, so if we focus on our errant spouse and the 'difficult' situation - our whole life feels difficult - but if we focus on the abundance in our lives separate to our spouse, that grows too....not easy by any means, but possible...

Take care and I hope the weekend brings some little moments of joy for you. :-)