LRT is my 180

[TBSakaJ9]

LH needs to put that on his signature moving forward. It would look something like this.

"No matter how much it hurts now, someday you will look back and realize your struggles changed your life for the better."

Oh BTW - "GO DO SOME BAD A$$ $HIT"

[Maika]

hahahahahhahaha... i like it J dawg.

[LH19]

You know it guys! Have a fuching bad a$$ weekend!

[AvgGuy]

J9,
Yeah I noticed the similarities also.

I have used the D word 3 times. One of those 3 I was thiiiis close to meaning it 100%. Looked into my state's D process.
She texted me a bunch about it and I backed down bc it wasn't my true desire. I didn't realize it was her cake-eating.

Mostly she has avoided face contact completely. She still comes to the house at times when I'm not there. (D22 lives at home, other is at college dorm nearby. She still connects with them.)

We have texted some. A lot of times it was her lashing out at me. I began to learn how to handle that. Either say I'm not doing this on text it always goes sideways, or 'let's meet right now and talk about this' which of course she didn't want to do.

I know nothing of her personal comings and goings, who she might be seeing, etc. I do not know where she is staying. (If I pressed D22 she might show me but I'd rather not know. Every time I've learned something, I wish I hadn't.)

For now I'm working on me. Waiting for her to reach out, and hoping to use my BS meter to see if/when she's truly ready to have a serious conversation about R.

Also in the meantime, I need to sort out the boundaries and transparency req'ts I will set. Haven't thought further out than that yet.

[Maika]

Hmmm.. she shouldn't be coming and going as she pleases at your place.. you don't even know where she lives, why should she have full access to your place whenever she wants.. c'mon

[TBSakaJ9]

The reason why I ask is because if she has moved out, which my W has as well and she is seeing other guys would you file for D if you found out? Do you assume it is happening since she moved out? Would it be different because she has moved out and is not living under your roof?

I suspected my W was cheating but never had any proof then she moved out. Since she has moved out and I don't keep tabs on her I am moving on with my life. If for some reason I found out she has OM or has dated I am not sure it would change anything for me since she is already out of the house.

I know this can't go on forever but trying to decide how long you live in limbo is something we talk about often. At some point in time all of us will have to address the situation until our W's file themselves.

Just some stuff to think about. It's like a game of chicken and who is going to swerve first.

[AvgGuy]

Maika, what do you suggest?
Change locks and stuff like that?
She's on the deed.
Tell her she's not welcome here and to stay away?
Some sort of legal 'stay out' order?

[AvgGuy]

J9, we are similar in our thinking here, I believe.

Ds have told me she has dated, 2 guys at the very least.
My thinking is I'm just focusing on bettering me right now, and preparing my thoughts, attitudes, and words in case she shows up here one day. I will be a better person at that time, and she will have to return a better person (or start working on such immediately) or I won't be interested. If she files in the meantime I will be hurt, but it doesn't really change things. For all intents and purposes I don't have a wife right now anyway. I might get fed up and file at some point, IDK. I've nearly reached that point a few times already but haven't crossed the line. Why? IDK for sure why.

[AvgGuy]

Well, complete silence yesterday, as I expected. Not sure how long she will keep her 'never speaking to you again' threat. She can be quite stubborn.

Dinner at a friend's planned for this evening. He was my best friend growing up and best man at our wedding. Kinda drifted apart after, just 'life' I guess. I reconnected with him after seeing his folks at my mom's funeral in Jan and we've hung out a few times since. Still the great guy I remember. Get to meet his kids for the first time, so I'm excited about that. They are young, like 3 and 7 so that will be fun telling them I knew their dad when he was their age.

I've got a few chores to do as well, and I will also get in my power walk. I had started some mild lifting but elbow bothering me a little so I'm taking a little break from that unfortunately. I could use some muscle tone esp upper body. I could probably do some shrugs or something I guess and not bother my elbow...

[AvgGuy]

I would love to get some feedback addressing Miaka's concern about W having free access to the house. Should I be attempting to control her access somehow? D22 does live at home and they connect at times. Much (all?) her mail comes here too, even Amazon stuff. (Prob bc she knows I could see her current address if I checked Amazon.)

Also, I know that the house she is now renting might no longer be available come Jan/Feb. W told me when looking at it that owners wanted to put it on the market after 6 mos. Curious what might happen then.