Lost in Austin - Possible WAW

[25yearsmlc]

I get it, I really do. But once she's out of the house parts of this will probably get easier.

Easier? Can you explain what you mean by this?


I swear I'd be delighted with this arrangement if I were you. So many good men lose valuable time with their kids and feelings of alienation grow and fester...you have it thrown to you!

you and the kids will come up with a routine, you will find avenues to connect with them more, and the walking on egg shells whenever your w is around, will plummet. You will, overall, have more peace inside. And then you'll start to GAL more and detach and then


TA DA!! Your life will be easier. As for your w, who knows? Not your sandbox now...

[Quote]No more "you seem conflicted/confused."

OK. I'd rather drop the R discussions for a while entirely. Among other things, my IC suggested seeing her with me just once to explore the conflicted-ness, so I can better understand and manage what's potentially ahead. But that would take some time to set up.


I hate to disagree with an IC - so take my comment with a big fat grain of salt.

IMO, you will never ever understand what your w feels, or be able to relate to it. You are projecting your values and beliefs onto her, but if she shared those now, you would not be here.

But let's say your wife somehow comes and decides to be open (and not just tell you off for forcing her to come and speak)

let us say she will share her feelings with you AND let us say they're clear (highly doubtful)

but see, her feelings change weekly or more often, and they are very mixed, so if she came

and if it were clear

AND if she shared it with you

AND if it remained permanent, there's a huge chance you would Not like her answers

Plus you will force her to articulate and cement in her mind, the confusion she has

and which - thanks to your effort "to understand" - is only to be solved by her "Deciding!" And that won't go your way, imo.

Here are some words from Jack3Beans, a great DB man, who died at far too young an age (RIP)

---I hope the LBS realizes that many of the 'why' questions they absolutely think they have to have an answer too...they really do not. Everyone dies with unanswered questions, but that doesn't prevent us from living. Why should they?

In many cases the MLC/WAS answers are NOT good enough for the LBS anyway, so they keep digging, and damage any repairs that have been made.

Stop asking.



Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know, and constant wondering is constant suffering.

-Caroline Myss