Another thought regarding: "The girls do not want us there(the house) together...that's not an option "
I've never told WW that she is not welcome in the house. I've made it clear that she is welcome in the house anytime she wants. Just that I'm not the one who wants the S/D therefore I'm not leaving the house.
I also don't think that the adults should let the kids dictate the terms of a relationship.
Your W is trying to leverage the kids against you. She's starting to see she can't talk you out of the house, so now she's trying to guilt you out by using the girls against you. Don't buy into it. If she pushes again, just politely but firmly reiterate that you are not leaving, that is simply not an option on the table. Don't drag the girls into that, they need to be insulated from the conflicts between you and W as much as possible.
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I'm trying to model restraint and calm now after I joined this site. I haven't had or initiated any P/A texts with WW since I first posted. This week I've really only initiated contact regarding DD's or financial matters.
Perfect!
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I've already told her I'm not leaving...now if I capitulate I'm sacrificing my convictions and beliefs just to keep the peace and that will cause me to lose respect for myself which in turn will cause her to lose even more respect for me.
I hope you haven't misunderstood what anyone has been telling you here, when I read through the comments we're all telling you to stay in the house. I agree that she would lose respect for you if you left with your tail between your legs at this point, but worse than that- YOU would lose respect for YOURSELF. That's really what this is about.
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I realize that if she files I can't stop the divorce. What I'm trying to convey is that I'm not going to voluntarily help end the marriage and break apart the family.
DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU NEED TO KEEP TELLING HER THIS???? She knows man, just let it go! You do not need to "convey" this at all, you need to start conveying that you SUPPORT her even if that leads to D. Quit fighting her at every turn and go with her. You can't stop the divorce but guess what, if you quit fighting her about it she may quit pursuing it. It happens a lot. My W kept hammering away about the D and finally I told her that if that was what she wanted then I was OK with it. She knew it wasn't what I wanted, but she also knew I was no longer going to do anything to stop it. She quit talking about it after that. I was the one that eventually pushed it through a year later, mainly for legal reasons tied to a business partnership agreement.
Originally Posted By: Kaizen
I dont believe that divorce is the solution to our problems, but I love and respect you enough to move forward with it if you so choose.[/i]
Think about how those words are different from saying: - Divorce isnt the solution to our problems - I dont do divorce
