Finding my way out of the dark - Part 4

[Holding]

I've done a lot of thinking about our MR and all the pluses and minuses. TBH there are a whole lot more minuses. If money were no object, I'd strongly consider telling my L to push the D ahead and start driving the case.

I've been sleeping like a champ and I can definitely feel the old appetite coming back. Being around the STBXW (I can't find it in myself to call her my W any more) is starting to get easier. Though I still wish she'd move out.

My anger is starting to mellow a bit. I've been letting my anger out in constructive ways when I'm by myself at home or in the car (yelling, cursing, etc.). I usually feel much better afterwards. And I'm starting to feel tired of the anger. It's a burden I don't want to carry any more.

I'm also starting to feel something different for my STBXW. What I'm feeling is more like pity. She's a sad shallow reflection of the person she used to be. She's ruining everything she's worked to create for her family. She shows troubling signs of detaching from her kids. If I ever knew the real her, then I think she'll be facing a lifetime of guilt for this. That doesn't make me happy any more - it makes me sad for her.

My IC says I seem to be making good progress, especially with the boundaries I've been setting with my STBXW. The last few times she needed something from me, she actually asked instead of telling me. These boundaries help me feel safe and in control of the sitch.

I'll be starting up with a Divorce Care group next week. I've heard good things about it from others here, so hopefully this'll be another outlet for me to handle things and grow as a person.