Still here. Still not detached...

[Chris73]

Thanks everyone for all the good advice.

...you do find out that the number of people who would actually do something for you isn't that large, and I feel that these are the people that make life worth living. That is also the reason why losing the W is painful; you thought she was one of those people.

This is probably the single biggest obstacle in my attempt to detach. W and I used to talk about everything. She was the first person I thought of talking to whenever ANYTHING happened in my life...

I hope to God you did not reveal your emotions and judgments to the kids in any way.

No, I never disparage my W to our kids but I'm sure they've noticed my irritated and sullen moods in the past. I'm trying to work on that.

Unless you reasonably and sincerely believe the kids are endangered, you have to back off. It will NEVER HELP YOU to criticize her mothering. I am positive of that.

I read you loud and clear. Right now I'm hung up on the fact that our parenting isn't consistent. The kids receive a mixed message because I feel like my W is too lax with the rules we've all agreed to. When we finally have 2 separate residences this will be much easier to handle.

Do you want to be "right" or do you want to save your m?

This is the $64K question! (showing my age...)

I don't have an answer to this because lately I've been feeling like I don't want to reconcile. The other night while drifting off to sleep I had a bit of an epiphany in which I couldn't ever see our relationship recovering from this. I know that this feeling won't last forever, but when I ask myself the question, "What would it take...?" I can't come up with an answer. So much damage has been done.

Regardless, the desire to be "right" is definitely a strong one. I'm forced to participate in this divorce as if I agree with it and it's not fair. But I know "fair" doesn't really matter. And the anger and I resentment I harbor toward my W permeates throughout all other aspects of my life. I know it has to stop because the only one who suffers from this anger is me.

One day at a time I suppose...