W wants a Divorce.. Again

[lostrig]

Me – 42
W – 47
S – 10
M – Ten years 10/14
I’ll start by saying that this isn’t my first rodeo. Last year in April 2016 I moved out of the marital home as our lease was expiring and my W wanted a D. I wasn’t thinking straight at the time but my W convinced me to sign off on a quitclaim deed so she could purchase a home that was close to my S school and have a nice backyard for our two dogs. Meanwhile I ended up in a crappy 2 bedroom apartment. Well the first few months the thought of losing my W was tearing me apart and I admittingly did all the wrong things. After awhile and after coming across this site and the DB book I was finally able to somewhat detach and work on me. Guess what, it worked! Around July of 2016 we started a R and by October of 2016 I had sold all my furnishings in my apartment and moved back in to our home.
So here is a bit of a backdrop to my sitch. In 2011 I was successfully employed as a district manager for a major corporation. I was making pretty good money at the time but my quality of life was down the toilet. I was never home and exhausted all the time from putting in 60 hour work weeks for years. At the time my W was in the beginning stages of starting her own business which was doing well but needed additional help to take to the next level. So by mutual agreement we decided I would leave my employment and work on the business together. It was a little scary at first but it went well. I wasn’t making less money than I was through my employment and I had much more time on my hands for my S and took up some additional hobbies. Well this didn’t go over well with my W and she let me know. I was told I needed to be more helpful with items around the house. So of course, I dug right in and started helping more around the house. This went on for years, I had become my S primary caretaker, was handling most of the chores around the house and financially we were doing really well. Now most of the time I would work from our home office just for the convenience of it considering my S schedule among other things.
During this time the business had become priority #1 and we really lost any connection we had. We were so busy we didn’t spend hardly any time at all together. I couldn’t tell you the last time we had just taken a trip with just the two of us to try and connect a little. At the beginning of 2016 she told me she didn’t love me anymore and had lost all respect. That she didn’t want to be with a stay at home dad and she wanted a D. Keep in mind that I was still doing very well financially but I was doing it from home. At the same time I was taking care of everything that needed taken care of at the same time. If I didn’t do it, it basically didn’t get done and I’m not OK with living in a mess and not having clean clothes. I did all the begging and pleading but ultimately, I ended up in my crappy apartment.
Technically it is her company as she started it two years prior to me joining so I basically ended up unemployed as well. So there I was in my apartment feeling as if my world had ended completely broken from this ordeal. It took me awhile to detach but I finally started to get my head around it. I basically just got back into the business on a smaller scale and started working on my own deals. I stopped pursuing my W and was doing pretty well. I guess she started to take notice because she began to call and text me more often and in late June 2016 asked If I wanted to go to Legoland for my S birthday. I went with absolutely no expectations at all. I really was under the impression that this M was over. Well that night at the hotel she initiated sex with me. After we returned we started spending more and more time together and were getting along great. Around the beginning of October 2016 I was spending more nights at the house than I was at my apartment. Naturally we decided to have me move back and rejoin the business.
I didn’t want to make the same mistake so I went full steam into the business. I worked harder this past year than I have in my life. Since the beginning of September last year until the beginning of August this year I had only taken about 7 days off and most of that was around the holidays. It was a great year financially and the hard work had paid off. For the first 6 months of me being back at the house we were getting along great. We were doing training classes together and going on business trips. Around February 2017 she started making comments that a lot of work needed done around the house. Things like the house was always a mess, the backyard needed maintenance and dishes are always piled up. We started arguing about all the little things in life again and could start to feel a wall starting to build again. At the same time it was angering me as I’m thinking gosh what does it take to please this women. I really started to pull away from the marriage and the last few months it has really felt like we are just roommates.
At the beginning of August, the last weekend before my S was to go back to school, I suggested we take a day and head to the beach which she agreed. I could tell the morning we were supposed to go there was some tension but we packed up and left anyway. On the way is when she started to get some phone calls and a crisis was breaking out with a client. Once we got to the beach she started to complain that it was overcast and she had no cell reception. After about an hour of her panicking and trying to find reception so she could handle the client’s situation I finally decided to pack up and leave. We came back to the home office and spent the day putting out the client’s fire. I asked if she would like to go out for a family dinner and decompress to which she said yes. My S and I showered up and were patiently waiting for my W to finish getting ready when of course the phone rings and the clients fire has somehow been reignited. We waited for about an hour until I walked into the office to see what was going on. My W on the phone was basically ignoring that I was standing there so I snapped my fingers to get her attention. She then looked at me like I had just done the worst possible thing to her I have ever done. After her phone call she came to the front of the house and said, how dare you ever snap your fingers at me and that she wanted to proceed with the D.
In the past 3 weeks I have heard the following statements from her.
“I don’t love you anymore”
“I don’t respect you anymore”
“You’re a terrible father”
“You never should have come back”
“A women needs to get laid” (when I asked why she initiated sex with me at the hotel the first time)
“You’re an Alchoholic” (which I certainly am not. I like to get a little sideways now and again but I never get drunk or out of control)
So here I am again. I really wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone in their lifetime and I’m going through it for the second time in less than 18 months. I have once again been pushed out of the business and most of our finances are tied up in the corporate account. Honestly, I’m absolutely devastated.
Part of me wants to try signing up with the DB coaches but the other part thinks it would be a waste of time and money. I do love my W and the thought of tearing our family apart again is destroying me. I just don’t know how many times I can keep putting myself through this ringer.